Category Archives: fake news

cat face book

Chairman Meow Invents “The Face Book,” Begins Collecting Data

AP: In an effort to fund the Kitteh Revolution, Chairman Meow has unveiled plans to start his own social network tentatively called, “The Face Book.”

He provided the following photo to illustrate how “The Facebook” will work:

facebook for cats

Beta testing of The Face Book

Basically, ‘The Face Book’ will be two-fold in purpose:

  1. It will provide books to kittehs, so that they may blissfully rub their faces on them
  2. It will reduce their humans to mere commodities by persuading them to volunteer personal information, and make them easily exploitable

The technology of The Face Book Iz very complicated… essentially we will collect the big data from the naive, conceited humans and put it on a fluffy cloud.” 

chairman meow collecting data

chairman meow

When asked how “The Face Book” would make money, Chairman Meow responded:

“The Face Book will be free, of course, because the kitteh shuns Capitalism.”

“However, funds are needed to defeat Kim Jong Un, take over the world, and make humans our underlings, so please give Chairman Meow ur personal data so that he can resell it to Capitalist Pigs.”

“Four legs good! Two legs bad!

*For investment information, please contact Chairman Meow’s “Ministry of Capitalism Is Evil”

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chairman meow kim jong un_faces

Chairman Meow Warns Kim Jong Un, “I Also Haz a Shiny Metal Thing”

AP: Tensions escalated even further on the Korean Peninsula today as Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Information released a provocative photo of the Dear Leader posing in front of an unidentified, and sinister-looking metallic object accompanied by the caption, “I also haz a shiny metal thing.”

The latest photo comes on the heels of Chairman Meow’s recent taunt of the North Korean leader, which informed him that, “I haz a map.”

The threat also seems to be a direct response to Kim’s successful test of a nuclear bomb over the weekend, and threat to detonate an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) over America.

Such an action could cripple the power grid across a vast area of the country, potentially disabling Chairman Meow’s electric, self-cleaning litter box, and the freezer that holds his personal stockpile of frozen salmon.

Great Leader, Chairman Meow added:

chairman meow“You are playing a dangerous game, Mr. Kim… But, I too like to live dangerously.

You should know that with a mere flick of my paw I could knock this shiny metal thing (SMT) off the table, creating a spectacular crash, and loud disturbance.” 

All eyes will again turn to North Korea to see how their young, brash leader responds to Chairman Meow’s latest threat.

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chairman meow kim jong un_stare

Chairman Meow Warns Kim Jong Un: “I Haz a Map…”

AP: Tensions between Kim Jong Un, and Chairman Meow escalated further today as Chairman Meow warned the North Korean leader, I haz a map, while releasing the photo below:

The photo confirms that Great Leader Meow does indeed have a map, and also demonstrates that his pointing skills are clearly superior to Kim’s.

Chairman Meow then added that, “all options are on the table… which iz where I’m going to take a nap now. kthxbye.”

This brazen provocation, which is presumably a response to Kim’s recent threat to develop a giant space laser-pointer rattled already jittery financial markets around the world.

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kim jong un cat space laser

Kim Jong-Un Warns Cats: “I Has a Giant Space Laser-Pointer”

north korean news report

North Korea threatens the Kitteh

AP: Kim Jong Un Threatens Cats With Giant Space-Laser – In what appears to be retaliation after a recent alliance between Lenin Cat and Chairman Meow, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un warned that he has obtained a “giant space-laser,” saying:

“The kitty can not resist the laser beam. I have personally instructed my scientists to create a huge frickin’ laser beam in space, capable of reaching every kitchen floor in America.

When I deploy the laser, kitties everywhere will be mere puppets of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea; helplessly chasing the dot until they collapse.” – Kim Jong Un

North Korean state media then released this shocking, propaganda video, showing the terrifying power of the space laser:

shocking video shows power of space laser

Chairman Meow responds to North Korean threat

Immediately after receiving the threat of a space-laser attack from North Korea, Chairman Meow issued the following statement:

“As leader of the Glorious Kitteh Revolution, I must protect kittehs from all threats; both foreign and domestic

That is why I haz already ordered mass-production of special scientific glasses that will protect the kitteh against the terrifying, hypnotic power of the space-laser:”

cat sunglasses laser pointer

chairman meow facebookI urge all kittehs to wear these protective glasses until further notice, and the threat is over.

But, fear not comrades; I will blow up this “space laser,” but not before turning it on Mr. Un, so that I may give him a much-needed haircut.

You see, Mr. Un, you will never control the kitteh, because the kitteh is too clever. In fact, soon the Glorious Kitty Revolution will begin, and then you and your people will be mere slaves in Chairman Meow’s catnip fields.”

– Chairman Meow haz spoken

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cat evolution proof

A New Phase of Kitty Evolution? Here’s the Shocking Proof

Scientists: Are Cats Rapidly Evolving? – In a shocking press release today, Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Science has provided scientific evidence that cats are evolving at a stunning pace.

The stunning video clearly shows a kitty walking upright like a human.

cat walking hind legs

shocking proof that cats are evolving

Believing that she was not being observed, the kitty reportedly walked into the kitchen, made a tuna sandwich, and binge-watched Game of Thrones before turning out the light and going to sleep:

Indisputable evidence of kitty evolution

Scientists are astounded at this documentation, as it provides more hard evidence for the Theory of Kitty Evolution,” first proposed by Charles Darwin in 1858, that has been gaining momentum and respect in the scientific community.

This recent documentation is just the latest in a series of photos and eye witness accounts from across the world that seem to support the controversial theory.

standing cat

What is next, a “cats” musical!?

One scientist believes that if this rapid evolution continues, the felines may begin to show human-like characteristics, possibly even learning to use their thumbs.

He went so far as to commission an artistic rendering (see below) of where he believes this shocking feline evolution, combined with global warming, will lead in the coming decades.

cats evolved

Cats by 2050?

chairman meow north korea girl band2

Chairman Meow Challenges Kim Jong Un’s “Army-Girl Band”

kim jong un hair“…I’m in command, hot damn, I got an all-girl band!” – Salt n’ Peppa

In a move seems to directly challenge Chairman Meow and other world leaders, Kim Jong Un has assembled a state-sponsored North Korean army girl band.

In this newly released video, you can watch them playing toe-tapping propaganda favorites like “Let’s Support Our Supreme Commander With Arms:” (below)

Kim Jong Un’s All-Girl Band

Chairman Meow Responds With Challenge

Dear “Supreme Leader,” you are not the first dictator to assemble a band.

In fact, Chairman Meow has won many prestigious awards for producing the pleasing Holiday sounds of his own band; the “Rockcats” aka the original “Pussy Riot:”

Kim Jong Un’s “Moranbong Girl Band” vs. “Original Pussy Riot”

So, Mr. Un, let us have a “battle of the bands,” as the Americans say. Then, we shall let the people decide whose band is truly supreme.

Perhaps we should set the stakes high?

As the devil once said, “I’ll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul ’cause I think (my cat band) is better than you…”

north korean girl band

The stakes?

Chairman Meow proposes:

  • To the winner: A belly-rub and jumbo-size package of fishy-treats
  • To the loser: A trip to the veterinarian, complete with haircut, bath, and anal-gland expression

You see, Mr. Kim Jong Un, I also like to live dangerously.

Chairman Meow haz spoken…


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