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canis minor stars

Chairman Meow Calls for Boycott of Canis Minor Constellation

chairman meow facebookOnce again, Chairman Meow finds himself at odds with the scientific community. Why, you ask? 

Two words: Canis Minor.

The elites would have us believe that Canis Minor is a legitimate constellation that resembles a dog, but I dissent. 

Gather around, my students, and let Chairman Meow educate you on the most disgraceful “constellation” in the sky, and why it must be boycotted.

The History of Canis Minor

First, a little history.

Or, should I say, “HIS” story.

The Canis Minor constellation was first catalogued by Greek scientist, Ptolemy, in the 2nd century AD. It is currently recognized by humans as one of the 88 “modern constellations,” and the Latin name “Canis Minor” translates to, lesser dog.

Lesser dog? Chairman Meow couldn’t agree more. It is truly a “lesser” constellation.

You see, this inferior constellation, consists of only two stars, yet supposedly resembles a dog, according to Ptolemy, and so-called “astronomy” books have perpetuated this lie for centuries.

Would you like to see Canis Minor for yourself?

Behold, the Canis Minor Constellation in all its splendor:

canis minor stars

As you can see, Canis Minor is a poor excuse for a constellation.

Chairman Meow believes that when Ptolemy connected these two stars and saw a dog, he was either disseminating fake news, or smoking something a lot stronger than catnip.

The mainstream media has issued many patronizing diagrams, such as the one below, to convince us that there is merit to Ptolemy’s hallucination:

canis minor constellation

Not convinced those dots look like a dog?

Perhaps an artist’s rendering of Canis Minor with more detail will help:

canis minor dog constellation

Fancy drawing, but Chairman Meow is still not buying it.

Now things get really crazy 

As if believeing that two connected dots can resemble a dog isn’t crazy enough, let us examine Canis Minor together with its neighboring constellation, Monoceros.

When we do, things quickly go from ludicrous to psychedelic:
canus minor unicorn

The grouping of stars now apparently resembles a dog riding on the back of a flying unicorn! (sailing over a drafting table?) 

I refuse to accept this foolishness.

Chairman Meow Boycotts Canis Minor

canis minor 2 starsI’m sorry, but Chairman Meow will NOT accept this fraudulent constellation, but he will “connect the dots” for his followers.

Consider that Canis minor somehow survived through the millennia, while reasonable constellations like Felis the Cat were unfairly lost to history.

Does that seem fair, or perhaps the deck is stacked against us? 

Chairman Meow is an open-minded cat, but there are some things that cannot be forgiven. These things include 11 inch hoagies marketed as being “foot long,” and stupid dog constellations made of two stars.

Chairman Meow must ask his followers to boycott this ridiculous dog “constellation,” as well as the two offending stars, Procyon and Gomeisa that Canis Minor is comprised of.

If you do gaze skyward in the Northern Hemisphere at night, please divert your eyes from these two charlatan stars.

Yes, go ahead and shun them like you are Jim Bob Duggar and they are your promiscuous daughters, strutting around town wearing sleeveless-shirts.

We shall never speak of Canis Minor again.

Chairman Meow haz spoken.

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Felis the Cat: The Glorious KITTY Constellation Lost to History

chairman meow facebook“Dear Chairman Meow, are there any domestic cat constellations in the sky?” – Joanna R., Lansdale, Pa

Excellent question, Joanna, and you are in luck because Chairman Meow has infinite knowledge of all things. Allow Teacher Meow to fumigate his wisdom upon you.

Yes, in fact, there used to be a glorious constellation called, Felis the Cat.

It was named as a tribute to the noble domestic kitty, but later omitted from star atlases by arrogant and elitist astronomers.

Here’s the full history:

Felis the Cat Constellation: Born in 1799

joseph jerome lalande

joseph jerome lalande

In 1799 French Astronomer and cat-lover Joseph Jerome de Lalande suggested adding a constellation that he named Felis the Cat. (NOT “Felix the Cat!”) 

Lalande was quoted as saying, “There were already thirty-three animals in the sky; I added a thirty-fourth, the cat.”

A devoted cat-servant, Lalande added, “I love cats very much. I will have this picture engraved on the star map.”

Felis the Cat was soon broadly recognized, and appeared in the highly-acclaimed Uranographia Sive Astrorum Descriptio star atlas of 1801.

felis cat constellation astronomy

Lalande’s Felis the Cat constellation was recognized for decades afterward, appearing in many notable star atlases of the 19th Century.

felis cat constellation stars felix

The International Astronomical Union (IAU) omits Felis the Cat – WTF?

nicolas camille flammarion

Nicolas Camille Flammarion

In the early 20th Century, French astronomer Nicolas Camille Flammarion, deemed Felis the Cat to be expendable, and so it was omitted from the final list of 88 constellations approved by the IAU in 1922.

Other notable constellations eliminated by the IAU included:

  • Rangifer the Reindeer
  • Bufo the Toad
  • Hippocampus the Sea Horse
  • Limax the Slug
  • Manis the Pangolin

How could history include the illustrious Felis the Cat with this motley crew of rejects!?

To make things worse, the IAU included three domestic dogs in their approved group of constellations, including Canis Major & Canis Minor.

The only silver lining to this astronomical charade was that fellow feline, Leo the lion, did make the final cut.

The Curse of Felis the Cat?

hindenberg disaster

Watch out for that… Oops!

Soon after the arrogant act of omitting Felis from the list of constellations, Nicolas Camille Flammarion would die in 1924.

*Although the official conclusion was that Flammarion died of natural causes, some suspect foul play, as several cat hairs were found next to his body. Chairman Meow, however, denies any involvement

After Felis the Cat was rejected, a number of other terrible things would happen to mankind, including The Great Depression and World War II; all under a night sky devoid of the majestic Felis the Cat.

What a pity. 

Make Felis the Cat great again!

Honorable Leader Chairman Meow promises that when cats rule the world under his brilliant leadership, the constellation of Felis the Cat will once again be a constellation.

In fact, Felis will be the biggest constellation in the sky, and all but 9 stars in the Northern Hemisphere will be part of this new, kitty super-constellation(The remaining 9 or so stars will comprise the constellation of a salmon, which Felis will be eating.)

Here is what the new and improved Felis the Cat constellation will look like:

felis cat constellation new

New and improved Felis the Cat constellation

What’s wrong? Upset because the North Star will merely be one of Felis the Cat’s toenails in Chairman Meow’s new star map?

It’s called “progress,” and you can either get on board, or get out of the way.

Long live the Kitty! 

Chairman Meow haz spoken

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