Tag Archives: chairman meow

chairman meow missile test

Chairman Meow Tests Kitteh Weapon; Threatens Kim Jong Un

AP: In a recent, shocking development, Chairman Meow has successfully tested a new  intercontinental ballistic missile he calls, the “Kittehkhat-12”.

According to General Tso, head of Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Blowing Stuff Up, the new Kitteh rocket has the capability to, “reach North Korea” and “fix Kim Jong Un’s stupid haircut.”

“The World On Edge”

chairman meow tv animation

Citizens of Seoul, S. Korea nervously watch the news

Although many were skeptical that Chairman Meow, leader of the glorious “Kitteh Revolution,” possessed the capability to develop such an awesome weapon, he has clearly proved them wrong.

How the Lethal Weapon Is Made

special kitty food“The weapon is fueled by methane gas,” explained the general, “and iz highly advanced.”

“Essentially, we combine an exact amount of “Special Kitty” cat food with a tablespoon of guacamole, and then carefully stir the ingredients together.” 

“The process iz very scientific, as the kitteh must swallow a precise amount of air while gulping down the food.”

“Then, the mixture is allowed to ferment in the belly of the kitteh for several hours, until the weapon is ready.”

Will Kim Jong Un Respond?

kim jong un missile

Photo credit: Reuters

chairman meow“Chairman Meow will pay dearly for his disrespect, and should prepare to face results beyond his expectation.” – Kim Jong Un

The rhetoric between Great Leader Chairman Meow, and Kim Jong Un has escalated in recent days including Kim’s test of a hydrogen bomb, and Chairman Meow’s response that he also haz a big, shiny metal thing.

Just today Kim called Chairman Meow a, “deranged dotard,” to which Chairman Meow replied, um, WTF iz that?!” on social media, along with the following ominous emojis:

cat poop rocket poop emoji

Nuclear War?

In response to the sobering reality that the world could be on the verge of thermonuclear war, the stock market dropped almost 12 points today before quickly recouping the losses on optimism over potential tax cuts.

*To keep up with fast-moving developments in this story, please follow Dear Leader Chairman Meow on Instagram or Facebook.

*Support the Kitteh Revolution by buying a Chairman Meow propaganda posternew

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chairman meow print buy

BELIEVE: Long Live Chairman Meow Propaganda Poster (Buy!)

BELIEVE! Long Live Chairman Meow: Chairman Meow is the leader of the glorious Kitty Revolution, which will bring peace and prosperity to earth, making humans their underlings.

This glorious new design is a tribute to Chairman Meow and his leadership in the War on Vermin, terror, drugs, poverty, and all things that are bad. 

Show your support for the Kitty Revolution by purchasing one of these glorious propaganda posters below:

poster believe long live chairman meow

War on Vermin & bad things

Undeniable facts about glorious poster:

  • Signed by artist, Kevin McCormick
  • Screen printed by hand on fancy French Paper stock
  • 15×24″ – Inexpensive black, wood frames available!

Buy Poster:


Quantity:




*Please contact me at longlivethekitty (at) gmail.com before placing an order with international shipping


chairman meow supporter

Happy customer displays glorious poster!


long_live chairman meow tshirt

  • Available on light & dark at T-Shirts at our threadless.com store

The War on Vermin: Long Live Chairman Meow

chairman meow facebookThis glorious new design is a tribute to Chairman Meow and his leadership in the War on Vermin.

  • Chairman Meow is all-knowing, and protects us and our children from evil
  • Chairman Meow is like a small, four-legged, furry, militant, version of Nelson Mandela
  • Chairman Meow promotes a peaceful ideology, but in the War on Vermin it’s best to be militant
  • Chairman Meow will lead his followers to “riches more than the mind can picture” in the golden future time

Remember, you are either with the kitties, or against them. Long live Chairman Meow!chinese crowd long live the kitty

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cat face book

Chairman Meow Invents “The Face Book,” Begins Collecting Data

AP: In an effort to fund the Kitteh Revolution, Chairman Meow has unveiled plans to start his own social network tentatively called, “The Face Book.”

He provided the following photo to illustrate how “The Facebook” will work:

facebook for cats

Beta testing of The Face Book

Basically, ‘The Face Book’ will be two-fold in purpose:

  1. It will provide books to kittehs, so that they may blissfully rub their faces on them
  2. It will reduce their humans to mere commodities by persuading them to volunteer personal information, and make them easily exploitable

The technology of The Face Book Iz very complicated… essentially we will collect the big data from the naive, conceited humans and put it on a fluffy cloud.” 

chairman meow collecting data

chairman meow

When asked how “The Face Book” would make money, Chairman Meow responded:

“The Face Book will be free, of course, because the kitteh shuns Capitalism.”

“However, funds are needed to defeat Kim Jong Un, take over the world, and make humans our underlings, so please give Chairman Meow ur personal data so that he can resell it to Capitalist Pigs.”

“Four legs good! Two legs bad!

*For investment information, please contact Chairman Meow’s “Ministry of Capitalism Is Evil”

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chairman meow kim jong un_faces

Chairman Meow Warns Kim Jong Un, “I Also Haz a Shiny Metal Thing”

AP: Tensions escalated even further on the Korean Peninsula today as Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Information released a provocative photo of the Dear Leader posing in front of an unidentified, and sinister-looking metallic object accompanied by the caption, “I also haz a big, shiny metal thing.”

The latest photo comes on the heels of Chairman Meow’s recent taunt of the North Korean leader, which informed him that, “I haz a map.”

The threat also seems to be a direct response to Kim’s successful test of a nuclear bomb over the weekend, and threat to detonate an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) over America.

Such an action could cripple the power grid across a vast area of the country, potentially disabling Chairman Meow’s electric, self-cleaning litter box, and the freezer that holds his personal stockpile of frozen salmon.

Great Leader, Chairman Meow added:

chairman meow“You are playing a dangerous game, Mr. Kim… But, I too like to live dangerously.

You should know that with a mere flick of my paw I could knock this shiny metal thing (SMT) off the table, creating a spectacular crash, and loud disturbance.” 

All eyes will again turn to North Korea to see how their young, brash leader responds to Chairman Meow’s latest threat.

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chairman meow kim jong un_stare

Chairman Meow Warns Kim Jong Un: “I Haz a Map…”

AP: Tensions between Kim Jong Un, and Chairman Meow escalated further today as Chairman Meow warned the North Korean leader, I haz a map, while releasing the photo below:

The photo confirms that Great Leader Meow does indeed have a map, and also demonstrates that his pointing skills are clearly superior to Kim’s.

Chairman Meow then added that, “all options are on the table… which iz where I’m going to take a nap now. kthxbye.”

This brazen provocation, which is presumably a response to Kim’s recent threat to develop a giant space laser-pointer rattled already jittery financial markets around the world.

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crazy toxoplasmosis cat

Toxoplasmosis: How Cat Poop Can Turn You Into a Crazy Cat Lady (or Gentleman)

chairman meowDear Chairman Meow, is “crazy cat lady syndrome” actually real? Please educate me with your vast knowledge. – Jim S. of Winfield, PA

Yes, Jim, it’s a real thing. Allow Chairman Meow to educate you about a tiny parasite, called toxoplasma gondii, that creates crazy cat ladies who hoard many kittehs.

How toxoplasmosis helps cats control humans:

There are many ways that a kitty can take control of humans, turning them into mere servants.

While good old fashioned psychic-kitteh mind control usually is enough to break the will of any human, recently scientists have become wise to one of their sneakier methods; a parasite found in their poop called, Toxoplasma gondii.

What is toxoplasma gondii?

Toxoplasma gondii is a microbe commonly found in cat poop.

How does the toxo get into a cat in the first place, you ask? Toxo is initially found in infected mice, so outdoor or barn cats who catch mice are more prone to contracting it.

Actually, toxo seems to slow mice down, so your cat is more likely to catch an infected mouse than a healthy one.

If ingested by humans, it causes toxoplasmosis; (aka t. gondii, or toxo) a disease that causes flu-like symptoms, especially dangerous to people with weakened immune systems. “Toxo” is the reason pregnant women are told to stay away from litter boxes.

Scientists used to believe that people with strong immune systems quickly fought off toxo, and it just went dormant after being defeated. However, shocking recent evidence from scientists like Jaroslav Flegr suggest otherwise.

Toxoplasma gondii – It’s All In Your Head

It seems that scientists have vastly underestimated this organism, which may be affecting the behavior of millions of humans around the world by literally getting into their heads. In fact, the CDC estimates that some 60 million Americans are carrying the Toxoplasma parasite.

Although few people have symptoms, it’s thought that toxoplasma gondii can affect and control the connections between neurons in our brains, directly impacting our actions and emotions; possibly even turning us into “crazy cat ladies.” (and gentlemen)

crazy cat lady toxo

Crazy Cat Lady Syndrome & Toxoplasmosis

crazy cat lady simpsonsToxo is likely what puts the “crazy” in crazy cat lady, causing OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) depression, cat hoarding, and even an increased rate of suicide.

In male cat owners, toxo infection can affect behavior; encouraging anti-social behavior such as suspicion and withdrawal.

It’s as if toxo wants you to isolate yourself with cats to improve your chances of being eaten by one!

So, why does Toxo want to get in our heads?

The only place that Toxo can sexually reproduce is inside a cat, and it seems to know that. It appears that toxo takes over the brain of it’s host in an attempt to get back into a cat.

toxoplasmosis cat poop
And, it’s not just humans that Toxo controls. Infected rodents become less cautious, more active, and have delayed reaction times; making them easier prey for cats.

Also, these infected rodents are actually attracted to the smell of cat urine, which normally should signal danger.

It’s as if the parasite is leading them into the belly of the cat where it can then reproduce!

This may also be why if you die alone with a house cat, they will only wait a day or two to start eating you; (known as “postmortem predation”) dogs will wait much longer.

Toxoplasmosis & schizophrenia

Toxo also seems to be a trigger for schizophrenia in people who are already genetically susceptible. Recent tests also implied a link between childhood exposure to cats and schizophrenia, and many schizophrenia patients have also tested positive for the presence of Toxoplasma gondii.

In fact, schizophrenia itself didn’t become a commonly diagnosed disease until the late 18th Century; the same time that house cats became popular pets. Coincidence?

Does Chairman Meow Spread Toxoplasma gondii?

Chairman Meow denies intentionally spreading Toxoplasma gondii to soften the brains of humans; turning them into mindless kitty puppets. (Although he does admit to pooping in neighborhood sandboxes, and in an occasional Starbucks.)


More about Toxoplasma gondii

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