Tag Archives: chairman meow

kim jong un cat space laser

Kim Jong-Un Warns Cats: “I Has a Giant Space Laser-Pointer”

north korean news report

North Korea threatens the Kitteh

AP: Kim Jong Un Threatens Cats With Giant Space-Laser – In what appears to be retaliation after a recent alliance between Lenin Cat and Chairman Meow, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un warned that he has obtained a “giant space-laser,” saying:

“The kitty can not resist the laser beam. I have personally instructed my scientists to create a huge frickin’ laser beam in space, capable of reaching every kitchen floor in America.

When I deploy the laser, kitties everywhere will be mere puppets of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea; helplessly chasing the dot until they collapse.” – Kim Jong Un

North Korean state media then released this shocking, propaganda video, showing the terrifying power of the space laser:

shocking video shows power of space laser

Chairman Meow responds to North Korean threat

Immediately after receiving the threat of a space-laser attack from North Korea, Chairman Meow issued the following statement:

“As leader of the Glorious Kitteh Revolution, I must protect kittehs from all threats; both foreign and domestic

That is why I haz already ordered mass-production of special scientific glasses that will protect the kitteh against the terrifying, hypnotic power of the space-laser:”

cat sunglasses laser pointer

chairman meow facebookI urge all kittehs to wear these protective glasses until further notice, and the threat is over.

But, fear not comrades; I will blow up this “space laser,” but not before turning it on Mr. Un, so that I may give him a much-needed haircut.

You see, Mr. Un, you will never control the kitteh, because the kitteh is too clever. In fact, soon the Glorious Kitty Revolution will begin, and then you and your people will be mere slaves in Chairman Meow’s catnip fields.”

– Chairman Meow haz spoken

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chairman meow north korea girl band2

Chairman Meow Challenges Kim Jong Un’s “Army-Girl Band”

kim jong un hair“…I’m in command, hot damn, I got an all-girl band!” – Salt n’ Peppa

In a move seems to directly challenge Chairman Meow and other world leaders, Kim Jong Un has assembled a state-sponsored North Korean army girl band.

In this newly released video, you can watch them playing toe-tapping propaganda favorites like “Let’s Support Our Supreme Commander With Arms:” (below)

Kim Jong Un’s All-Girl Band

Chairman Meow Responds With Challenge

Dear “Supreme Leader,” you are not the first dictator to assemble a band.

In fact, Chairman Meow has won many prestigious awards for producing the pleasing Holiday sounds of his own band; the “Rockcats” aka the original “Pussy Riot:”

Kim Jong Un’s “Moranbong Girl Band” vs. “Original Pussy Riot”

So, Mr. Un, let us have a “battle of the bands,” as the Americans say. Then, we shall let the people decide whose band is truly supreme.

Perhaps we should set the stakes high?

As the devil once said, “I’ll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul ’cause I think (my cat band) is better than you…”

north korean girl band

The stakes?

Chairman Meow proposes:

  • To the winner: A belly-rub and jumbo-size package of fishy-treats
  • To the loser: A trip to the veterinarian, complete with haircut, bath, and anal-gland expression

You see, Mr. Kim Jong Un, I also like to live dangerously.

Chairman Meow haz spoken…


Related:

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ceiling cat watching you blessed

Who Is Ceiling Cat? A Brief History of the Divine Kitty

“Dear Glorious Leader Chairman Meow: who is Ceiling Cat?” – Timmy, Austin TX

Thank you for your sincere, but slightly naive question, Timmy. Unlike your false digital idol, Siri, Chairman Meow has true knowledge of all things. Now, I will fumigate my wisdom of Ceiling Cat upon you.

Who Is Ceiling Cat?

ceiling cat sistine chapel

Ceiling Cat is a divine kitteh who created the universe and looks down from the heavens upon us all, judging our actions.

Ceiling cat is omnipresent and sees everything, including the sinful things that you do when you are alone on your laptop at night, Timmy.

In Genesis 1:1 of the lolcat bible it is written: “Oh hai. In teh beginning Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.”

Ceiling Cat vs. Basement Cat: An Eternal Struggle

ceiling cat vs basement cat

Ceiling Cat is the force of all that is good in the universe, and the source of all purring. Throughout all of time he must battle Basement Cat, an evil, black, subterranean cat similar to what humans call, “Satan.”

basement cat tshirtNew: Basement Cat T-Shirt

  • Star Wars fans would say the Ceiling Cat is “The Force,” while Basement Cat is “The Dark Side.”
  • C.S. Lewis might consider Ceiling Cat a “wise, furry, feline Jesus figure,” much like his “Aslan” character.

Ceiling Cat: Provides Divine Inspiration & Celestial Surveillance for Chairman Meow

It is said in Sun Tzu’s Art of War that for any dictator to be successful, he must have effective surveillance, preferably from a celestial kitty looking down on the masses from the ceiling. Such is the essential role of Ceiling Cat in the Glorious Kitty Revolution. Ceiling Cat sees everything, even your thoughts.

“If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.” – George Orwell

ceiling cat vs basement cat

Ceiling Cat T-Shirts for Capitalist Pigs

Although Capitalism is inherently self-destructive, Chairman Meow believes that we must all make money in order to provide a proper home for our kittehs. How else could we enjoy a warm bed, catnip, and delicious fishy treats?

For this reason, Chairman Meow has commissioned his Minister of Propaganda to create t-shirts to honor Ceiling Cat, so that Capitalist Pigs may attain them and find happiness in acquiring material possessions.

ceiling cat t-shirt

*Like a furry, 4-legged Robin Hood, Chairman Meow provides coupons for greedy corporations like Vistaprint (get coupons) so that their profits may be diminished, and redistributed to the kitteh-owning masses.

Ceiling Cat believe

So, Timmy, I hope you has learned many important things about Ceiling Cat today. Hopefully now you will live a more meaningful life supporting the Kitteh Revolution, and stop masturbating.

Chairman Meow has spoken.

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Chairman Meow: Some Animals Are More Equal

Chairman Meow: Some Animals Are More Equal

chairman meow some animals more equal than others

 

  • Available on light & dark at T-Shirtsnew at our threadless.com shop
  • Limited edition, signed, screen-printed poster coming soon!

 


Chairman Meow: Some Animals are More Equal

Chairman Meow believes that all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others. In fact, the Kitty is so equal, that it is at the top of the food chain; eating and killing many types of vermin and tasty fish.

Chairman Meow also recognizes that he is equal to humans. That is why he will employ many of them as servants after the Kitty Revolution; regardless of race or religion.

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BELIEVE: To the Cosmos! – Long Live the Kitty

To the Cosmos!

poster believe long live kitty cosmos

To the Cosmos!

 

  • Available on light & dark at T-Shirtsnew at our threadless.com shop!
  • Limited edition, signed, screen-printed poster coming soon

 

 


To the Cosmos! Chairman Meow Will Explore Space

chairman meow facebookAlready a hero for his bravery, the intrepid Great Helmsman Meow promises to bring glory to the Kitty Revolution by putting a cat into space.

In this inspiring design, he encourages his cheering followers to believe that all things are possible, as he declares, “to the cosmos!

However, since the moon is made of cheese, Chairman Meow warns humans that it may be a haven for rodents, and unsafe until these vermin are eradicated by the kitty.

Chairman Meow confidently looks towards the heavens, and using his superior feline mind, he creates magnificent constellations, connecting dots that were previously thought to be unrelated.

Supreme Commander Meow informs the captivated masses that each of these constellations may contain more catnip and tasty fish than the mind can picture.

Honor the Kitty Revolution, and support Leader Meow’s great leap forward to space by purchasing a t-shirt from Long Live the Kitty on Threadless.com!

long live kitty mission control

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chairman meow army shirts

Chairman Meow Army T-Shirts $18: Support the Kitty Revolution!

chairman meowChairman Meow is the self-proclaimed leader of the Kitty Revolution. He promotes a radical, yet peaceful ideology and envisions a future of cat world domination.

The Ministry of Feline Propaganda has recently created a t-shirt design honoring Great Leader Chairman Meow; and the result is simply glorious:

chairman meow t-shirts army

There are only a limited number of these professionally screen-printed American Apparel t-shirts available! (only 25 in each size: S, M, L XL)

About these glorious Chairman Meow T-Shirts:

  • American Apparel “fine jersey” t-shirts: made & printed in USA
  • “2001” style is unisex for men or women
  • 2-sided screen printed design (small star design on back, between shoulders)
  • 4.3 oz. 100% combed ring-spun cotton “army” color
  • May save you from working in the salt mines when cats take over the world
  • Small, Medium, Large, (No more X-Large): $18 each

Order a Chairman Meow T-Shirt:


Sizes:
Add additional t-shirts here:



*Additional t-shirts, please add $17 each. International shipping, add $5.


American Apparel T-Shirt Sizing Chart:

american apparel 2001 tshirt sizing chart

American Apparel Jersey t-shirt reviews on Amazon

*Please review t-shirt sizing carefully before purchase. Because Chairman Meow shuns Capitalism, he has little money, and can not afford to pay for returns due to sizing or individual fit of t-shirts.

chairman meow tshirt in bag

More About the Kitty Revolution & Chairman Meow.

Chairman Meow is the leader of the glorious Kitty Revolution, which will culminate in Kitty world domination… more about Chairman Meow

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