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canis minor stars

Chairman Meow Calls for Boycott of Canis Minor Constellation

chairman meow facebookOnce again, Chairman Meow finds himself at odds with the scientific community. Why, you ask? 

Two words: Canis Minor.

The elites would have us believe that Canis Minor is a legitimate constellation that resembles a dog, but I dissent. 

Gather around, my students, and let Chairman Meow educate you on the most disgraceful “constellation” in the sky, and why it must be boycotted.

The History of Canis Minor

First, a little history.

Or, should I say, “HIS” story.

The Canis Minor constellation was first catalogued by Greek scientist, Ptolemy, in the 2nd century AD. It is currently recognized by humans as one of the 88 “modern constellations,” and the Latin name “Canis Minor” translates to, lesser dog.

Lesser dog? Chairman Meow couldn’t agree more. It is truly a “lesser” constellation.

You see, this inferior constellation, consists of only two stars, yet supposedly resembles a dog, according to Ptolemy, and so-called “astronomy” books have perpetuated this lie for centuries.

Would you like to see Canis Minor for yourself?

Behold, the Canis Minor Constellation in all its splendor:

canis minor stars

As you can see, Canis Minor is a poor excuse for a constellation.

Chairman Meow believes that when Ptolemy connected these two stars and saw a dog, he was either disseminating fake news, or smoking something a lot stronger than catnip.

The mainstream media has issued many patronizing diagrams, such as the one below, to convince us that there is merit to Ptolemy’s hallucination:

canis minor constellation

Not convinced those dots look like a dog?

Perhaps an artist’s rendering of Canis Minor with more detail will help:

canis minor dog constellation

Fancy drawing, but Chairman Meow is still not buying it.

Now things get really crazy 

As if believeing that two connected dots can resemble a dog isn’t crazy enough, let us examine Canis Minor together with its neighboring constellation, Monoceros.

When we do, things quickly go from ludicrous to psychedelic:
canus minor unicorn

The grouping of stars now apparently resembles a dog riding on the back of a flying unicorn! (sailing over a drafting table?) 

I refuse to accept this foolishness.

Chairman Meow Boycotts Canis Minor

canis minor 2 starsI’m sorry, but Chairman Meow will NOT accept this fraudulent constellation, but he will “connect the dots” for his followers.

Consider that Canis minor somehow survived through the millennia, while reasonable constellations like Felis the Cat were unfairly lost to history.

Does that seem fair, or perhaps the deck is stacked against us? 

Chairman Meow is an open-minded cat, but there are some things that cannot be forgiven. These things include 11 inch hoagies marketed as being “foot long,” and stupid dog constellations made of two stars.

Chairman Meow must ask his followers to boycott this ridiculous dog “constellation,” as well as the two offending stars, Procyon and Gomeisa that Canis Minor is comprised of.

If you do gaze skyward in the Northern Hemisphere at night, please divert your eyes from these two charlatan stars.

Yes, go ahead and shun them like you are Jim Bob Duggar and they are your promiscuous daughters, strutting around town wearing sleeveless-shirts.

We shall never speak of Canis Minor again.

Chairman Meow haz spoken.

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cat or possum

Chairman Meow Explains Difference Between Cats & Possums

chairman meow facebookDear Chairman Meow, what kind of cat is this!? – Dan, Miami Florida

Thank you for your question, Dan. Apparently there has been some confusion as to what is a kitty, and what is not a kitty. This may be due to recent proliferation of fake news on the inter-webs.

Or, perhaps this “kitty confusion” can be blamed on recent Fox News special entitled, “Possums: Are They Just Liberal Cats?

In any event, please allow Great Teacher Chairman Meow to educate you.

Hmmm… Is this a cat?

First, here is the potential “cat” in question:

cat found flyer possum

First, let us find clues as to if this mysterious creature is truly a cat.

  • If perceived “kitty” haz long, pointed nose, the animal may not be a kitty
  • If the animal was found hanging upside-down from a tree by its tail, it is probably not a kitty

Ah hah, it appears that this animal is NOT a kitty! In which case, Dan, please step back from the non-kitty to avoid potential harm. 

In fact, instead of giving you love and affection, this non-kitty may give you many puncture wounds and rabies

Helpful Diagram of a Standard Cat

Still confused? Here is diagram of what common kitty looks like, that has been approved by Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Truth:

cat mao chinese character

Yes, Mao Means, “Cat!”

Oh how Chairman Meow loves irony!

You have come here seeking knowledge, and Great Teacher Meow has filled your brain with TWO shiny pearls of wisdom:

  1. You can now identify a cat
  2. You have learned that “Mao” means “cat” in Chinese

In any event, Dan, that you for your question for Glorious Leader Chairman Meow. I hope that you have lived through your perilous brush with the non-kitty, and go on to live a long, prosperous life filled with loving-affection from actual kitties.

Chairman Meow haz spoken.

Related Posts

vladimir putin doctor evil

Russia Releases Shocking Photo of Advanced Kitty Weaponry

European leaders are scrambling today after Vladimir Putin released a photo showing that Russia has obtained advanced kitty military capacity (AKMC).

Sources say that this provocative move is merely the latest effort by Mr. Putin to reclaim the “lost glories” of the Soviet Union.

rocket cat

Strategic resources?

special kitty foodU.S. intelligence warns that Mr. Putin may be planning an imminent attack on the Eastern Ukraine, an area rich in magnesium, sugar beets, and potassium.

These resources are all key ingredients in Special Kitty cat food, which experts say creates the copious gas necessary for fueling this new feline weaponry.

Can Mankind Really Control This New Technology?

Critics claim that Mr. Putin’s ambitions may be larger than we think, and warn that man has tried to control the kitty for generations without success. By once again attempting to do so, is Mr. Putin risking that this technology will quickly spiral out of control and threaten the very existence of mankind?

ian malcolmAs Dr. Ian Malcolm warned in Jurassic Park, “The scientific power that your using here didn’t require any discipline to attain it…. So, you don’t take any responsibility for it.”

Or, perhaps this is a case of the “tail wagging the dog” (or cat?) with the kitty merely using Mr. Putin as a pawn to achieve Chairman Meow‘s radical vision of kitty world-domination?

Either way, in attempting to control and wield the power of the kitty, mankind may once again be opening Pandora’s (litter?) Box.


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