Tag Archives: kim jong un

kim jong un cat space laser

Kim Jong-Un Warns Cats: “I Has a Giant Space Laser-Pointer”

north korean news report

North Korea threatens the Kitteh

AP: Kim Jong Un Threatens Cats With Giant Space-Laser – In what appears to be retaliation after a recent alliance between Lenin Cat and Chairman Meow, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un warned that he has obtained a “giant space-laser,” saying:

“The kitty can not resist the laser beam. I have personally instructed my scientists to create a huge frickin’ laser beam in space, capable of reaching every kitchen floor in America.

When I deploy the laser, kitties everywhere will be mere puppets of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea; helplessly chasing the dot until they collapse.” – Kim Jong Un

North Korean state media then released this shocking, propaganda video, showing the terrifying power of the space laser:

shocking video shows power of space laser

Chairman Meow responds to North Korean threat

Immediately after receiving the threat of a space-laser attack from North Korea, Chairman Meow issued the following statement:

“As leader of the Glorious Kitteh Revolution, I must protect kittehs from all threats; both foreign and domestic

That is why I haz already ordered mass-production of special scientific glasses that will protect the kitteh against the terrifying, hypnotic power of the space-laser:”

cat sunglasses laser pointer

chairman meow facebookI urge all kittehs to wear these protective glasses until further notice, and the threat is over.

But, fear not comrades; I will blow up this “space laser,” but not before turning it on Mr. Un, so that I may give him a much-needed haircut.

You see, Mr. Un, you will never control the kitteh, because the kitteh is too clever. In fact, soon the Glorious Kitty Revolution will begin, and then you and your people will be mere slaves in Chairman Meow’s catnip fields.”

– Chairman Meow haz spoken

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Chairman Meow Challenges Kim Jong Un’s “Army-Girl Band”

kim jong un hair“…I’m in command, hot damn, I got an all-girl band!” – Salt n’ Peppa

In a move seems to directly challenge Chairman Meow and other world leaders, Kim Jong Un has assembled a state-sponsored North Korean army girl band.

In this newly released video, you can watch them playing toe-tapping propaganda favorites like “Let’s Support Our Supreme Commander With Arms:” (below)

Kim Jong Un’s All-Girl Band

Chairman Meow Responds With Challenge

Dear “Supreme Leader,” you are not the first dictator to assemble a band.

In fact, Chairman Meow has won many prestigious awards for producing the pleasing Holiday sounds of his own band; the “Rockcats” aka the original “Pussy Riot:”

Kim Jong Un’s “Moranbong Girl Band” vs. “Original Pussy Riot”

So, Mr. Un, let us have a “battle of the bands,” as the Americans say. Then, we shall let the people decide whose band is truly supreme.

Perhaps we should set the stakes high?

As the devil once said, “I’ll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul ’cause I think (my cat band) is better than you…”

north korean girl band

The stakes?

Chairman Meow proposes:

  • To the winner: A belly-rub and jumbo-size package of fishy-treats
  • To the loser: A trip to the veterinarian, complete with haircut, bath, and anal-gland expression

You see, Mr. Kim Jong Un, I also like to live dangerously.

Chairman Meow haz spoken…


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lenin cat tanks

Lenin Cat Professes Allegiance to Chairman Meow

chairman meowTensions with North Korea were strained further today, as Lenin Cat declared his allegiance to Chairman Meow, potentially shifting the balance of global power and unsettling already volatile financial markets.

Many see Lenin Cat’s declaration of support for Chairman Meow as an insult to Communist North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un, whom Chairman Meow has condemned for years.

AP: Lenin Cat Declares Fondness for Chairman Meow

lenin cat communist

Kim Jong Un Fires Back

kim jong un hairIn response to Lenin Cat’s declaration, Kim Jong-Un positioned an extra 10,000 North Korean troops on the border with the South, and reportedly fired a large rocket into the South China sea; claiming that it killed “many delicious fishes, including salmon,” a favorite meal of the kitteh.

He also claimed that the country is perfecting a large, nuclear-powered space laser pointer that can reach as far as North America; potentially rendering cats there helpless against it’s attraction.

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