Tag Archives: kim jong un

chairman meow missile test

Chairman Meow Tests Kitteh Weapon; Threatens Kim Jong Un

AP: In a recent, shocking development, Chairman Meow has successfully tested a new  intercontinental ballistic missile he calls, the “Kittehkhat-12”.

According to General Tso, head of Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Blowing Stuff Up, the new Kitteh rocket has the capability to, “reach North Korea” and “fix Kim Jong Un’s stupid haircut.”

“The World On Edge”

chairman meow tv animation

Citizens of Seoul, S. Korea nervously watch the news

Although many were skeptical that Chairman Meow, leader of the glorious “Kitteh Revolution,” possessed the capability to develop such an awesome weapon, he has clearly proved them wrong.

How the Lethal Weapon Is Made

special kitty food“The weapon is fueled by methane gas,” explained the general, “and iz highly advanced.”

“Essentially, we combine an exact amount of “Special Kitty” cat food with a tablespoon of guacamole, and then carefully stir the ingredients together.” 

“The process iz very scientific, as the kitteh must swallow a precise amount of air while gulping down the food.”

“Then, the mixture is allowed to ferment in the belly of the kitteh for several hours, until the weapon is ready.”

Will Kim Jong Un Respond?

kim jong un missile

Photo credit: Reuters

chairman meow“Chairman Meow will pay dearly for his disrespect, and should prepare to face results beyond his expectation.” – Kim Jong Un

The rhetoric between Great Leader Chairman Meow, and Kim Jong Un has escalated in recent days including Kim’s test of a hydrogen bomb, and Chairman Meow’s response that he also haz a big, shiny metal thing.

Just today Kim called Chairman Meow a, “deranged dotard,” to which Chairman Meow replied, um, WTF iz that?!” on social media, along with the following ominous emojis:

cat poop rocket poop emoji

Nuclear War?

In response to the sobering reality that the world could be on the verge of thermonuclear war, the stock market dropped almost 12 points today before quickly recouping the losses on optimism over potential tax cuts.

*To keep up with fast-moving developments in this story, please follow Dear Leader Chairman Meow on Instagram or Facebook.

*Support the Kitteh Revolution by buying a Chairman Meow propaganda posternew

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Chairman Meow Warns Kim Jong Un, “I Also Haz a Shiny Metal Thing”

AP: Tensions escalated even further on the Korean Peninsula today as Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Information released a provocative photo of the Dear Leader posing in front of an unidentified, and sinister-looking metallic object accompanied by the caption, “I also haz a big, shiny metal thing.”

The latest photo comes on the heels of Chairman Meow’s recent taunt of the North Korean leader, which informed him that, “I haz a map.”

The threat also seems to be a direct response to Kim’s successful test of a nuclear bomb over the weekend, and threat to detonate an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) over America.

Such an action could cripple the power grid across a vast area of the country, potentially disabling Chairman Meow’s electric, self-cleaning litter box, and the freezer that holds his personal stockpile of frozen salmon.

Great Leader, Chairman Meow added:

chairman meow“You are playing a dangerous game, Mr. Kim… But, I too like to live dangerously.

You should know that with a mere flick of my paw I could knock this shiny metal thing (SMT) off the table, creating a spectacular crash, and loud disturbance.” 

All eyes will again turn to North Korea to see how their young, brash leader responds to Chairman Meow’s latest threat.

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chairman meow kim jong un_stare

Chairman Meow Warns Kim Jong Un: “I Haz a Map…”

AP: Tensions between Kim Jong Un, and Chairman Meow escalated further today as Chairman Meow warned the North Korean leader, I haz a map, while releasing the photo below:

The photo confirms that Great Leader Meow does indeed have a map, and also demonstrates that his pointing skills are clearly superior to Kim’s.

Chairman Meow then added that, “all options are on the table… which iz where I’m going to take a nap now. kthxbye.”

This brazen provocation, which is presumably a response to Kim’s recent threat to develop a giant space laser-pointer rattled already jittery financial markets around the world.

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kim jong un cat space laser

Kim Jong-Un Warns Cats: “I Has a Giant Space Laser-Pointer”

north korean news report

North Korea threatens the Kitteh

AP: Kim Jong Un Threatens Cats With Giant Space-Laser – In what appears to be retaliation after a recent alliance between Lenin Cat and Chairman Meow, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un warned that he has obtained a “giant space-laser,” saying:

“The kitty can not resist the laser beam. I have personally instructed my scientists to create a huge frickin’ laser beam in space, capable of reaching every kitchen floor in America.

When I deploy the laser, kitties everywhere will be mere puppets of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea; helplessly chasing the dot until they collapse.” – Kim Jong Un

North Korean state media then released this shocking, propaganda video, showing the terrifying power of the space laser:

shocking video shows power of space laser

Chairman Meow responds to North Korean threat

Immediately after receiving the threat of a space-laser attack from North Korea, Chairman Meow issued the following statement:

“As leader of the Glorious Kitteh Revolution, I must protect kittehs from all threats; both foreign and domestic

That is why I haz already ordered mass-production of special scientific glasses that will protect the kitteh against the terrifying, hypnotic power of the space-laser:”

cat sunglasses laser pointer

chairman meow facebookI urge all kittehs to wear these protective glasses until further notice, and the threat is over.

But, fear not comrades; I will blow up this “space laser,” but not before turning it on Mr. Un, so that I may give him a much-needed haircut.

You see, Mr. Un, you will never control the kitteh, because the kitteh is too clever. In fact, soon the Glorious Kitty Revolution will begin, and then you and your people will be mere slaves in Chairman Meow’s catnip fields.”

– Chairman Meow haz spoken

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chairman meow north korea girl band2

Chairman Meow Challenges Kim Jong Un’s “Army-Girl Band”

kim jong un hair“…I’m in command, hot damn, I got an all-girl band!” – Salt n’ Peppa

In a move seems to directly challenge Chairman Meow and other world leaders, Kim Jong Un has assembled a state-sponsored North Korean army girl band.

In this newly released video, you can watch them playing toe-tapping propaganda favorites like “Let’s Support Our Supreme Commander With Arms:” (below)

Kim Jong Un’s All-Girl Band

Chairman Meow Responds With Challenge

Dear “Supreme Leader,” you are not the first dictator to assemble a band.

In fact, Chairman Meow has won many prestigious awards for producing the pleasing Holiday sounds of his own band; the “Rockcats” aka the original “Pussy Riot:”

Kim Jong Un’s “Moranbong Girl Band” vs. “Original Pussy Riot”

So, Mr. Un, let us have a “battle of the bands,” as the Americans say. Then, we shall let the people decide whose band is truly supreme.

Perhaps we should set the stakes high?

As the devil once said, “I’ll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul ’cause I think (my cat band) is better than you…”

north korean girl band

The stakes?

Chairman Meow proposes:

  • To the winner: A belly-rub and jumbo-size package of fishy-treats
  • To the loser: A trip to the veterinarian, complete with haircut, bath, and anal-gland expression

You see, Mr. Kim Jong Un, I also like to live dangerously.

Chairman Meow haz spoken…


Related:

North Korean Moranbong band Performance (video)

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lenin cat tanks

Lenin Cat Professes Allegiance to Chairman Meow

chairman meowTensions with North Korea were strained further today, as Lenin Cat declared his allegiance to Chairman Meow, potentially shifting the balance of global power and unsettling already volatile financial markets.

Many see Lenin Cat’s declaration of support for Chairman Meow as an insult to Communist North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un, whom Chairman Meow has condemned for years.

AP: Lenin Cat Declares Fondness for Chairman Meow

lenin cat communist

Kim Jong Un Fires Back

kim jong un hairIn response to Lenin Cat’s declaration, Kim Jong-Un positioned an extra 10,000 North Korean troops on the border with the South, and reportedly fired a large rocket into the South China sea; claiming that it killed “many delicious fishes, including salmon,” a favorite meal of the kitteh.

He also claimed that the country is perfecting a large, nuclear-powered space laser pointer that can reach as far as North America; potentially rendering cats there helpless against it’s attraction.

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