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cat face book

Chairman Meow Invents “The Face Book,” Begins Collecting Data

AP: In an effort to fund the Kitteh Revolution, Chairman Meow has unveiled plans to start his own social network tentatively called, “The Face Book.”

He provided the following photo to illustrate how “The Facebook” will work:

facebook for cats

Beta testing of The Face Book

Basically, ‘The Face Book’ will be two-fold in purpose:

  1. It will provide books to kittehs, so that they may blissfully rub their faces on them
  2. It will reduce their humans to mere commodities by persuading them to volunteer personal information, and make them easily exploitable

The technology of The Face Book Iz very complicated… essentially we will collect the big data from the naive, conceited humans and put it on a fluffy cloud.” 

chairman meow collecting data

chairman meow

When asked how “The Face Book” would make money, Chairman Meow responded:

“The Face Book will be free, of course, because the kitteh shuns Capitalism.”

“However, funds are needed to defeat Kim Jong Un, take over the world, and make humans our underlings, so please give Chairman Meow ur personal data so that he can resell it to Capitalist Pigs.”

“Four legs good! Two legs bad!

*For investment information, please contact Chairman Meow’s “Ministry of Capitalism Is Evil”

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lenin cat tanks

Lenin Cat Professes Allegiance to Chairman Meow

chairman meowTensions with North Korea were strained further today, as Lenin Cat declared his allegiance to Chairman Meow, potentially shifting the balance of global power and unsettling already volatile financial markets.

Many see Lenin Cat’s declaration of support for Chairman Meow as an insult to Communist North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un, whom Chairman Meow has condemned for years.

AP: Lenin Cat Declares Fondness for Chairman Meow

lenin cat communist

Kim Jong Un Fires Back

kim jong un hairIn response to Lenin Cat’s declaration, Kim Jong-Un positioned an extra 10,000 North Korean troops on the border with the South, and reportedly fired a large rocket into the South China sea; claiming that it killed “many delicious fishes, including salmon,” a favorite meal of the kitteh.

He also claimed that the country is perfecting a large, nuclear-powered space laser pointer that can reach as far as North America; potentially rendering cats there helpless against it’s attraction.

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