Summit between Chairman Meow and North Korea? The world is holding its collective breath at the notion of a potential summit between two of the world’s most powerful mammals; Chairman Meow and Kim Jong Un.
Not long ago it seemed inconceivable that these two militant leaders could even have a dialogue, let alone meet in person. Now, however, it looks like there is a chance for peace as the two leaders may set a date in the near future for a summit. Here is the inspiring video released by the Ministry of Kitteh Propaganda promoting the potential summit:
Summit With Chairman Meow & Kim Jong Un?
Just watching this video I am brought to tears of kitteh patriotism.
So Different That the Whitehouse’s Video for Summit w/ North Korea
As I watch the summit video featuring Chairman Meow and Kim Jong Un, I can’t help think that possibly the Whitehouse plagiarized Chairman Meow’s video in a desperate attempt to seem relevant. You can watch the official video from whitehouse.gov below and decide for yourself:
Even though Chairman Meow does not approve of the Whitehouse’s propaganda video for the North Korea Summit, witnesses say that he did ask, “why does our video not haz man dunking?”
“Can you tell me about the history of the cat in the movie, The Godfather?” – Connie C., Staten Island, N.Y.
Yes, Connie, Chairman Meow knows all things. Allow me to educate you about the kitty that steals the famous opening scene from Marlon Brando in The Godfather movie:
History of The Cat in “The Godfather” Movie:
The gray and white cat held in the opening scene of the Godfather (1972) was actually a stray that director, Francis Ford Coppola, found on the Paramount movie lot during filming.
He added the cat himself, believing that it would help show the Godfather, Don Vito Corleone‘s, soft side. (during the movie, The Godfather strokes the cat while deciding who should live or die)
There was no cat in the actual script, and conspiracy theories suggest that, wishing to be famous, the cat manipulated Marlon Brando into being featured in the movie. In fact, the cat purred so loudly during filming that it overpowered some of Marlon Brando‘s lines, which later had to be edited and looped.
*Theory: Could it be possible that the cat pooped in Francis Ford Coppola’s food, infecting him with toxoplasmosis, which turns the human brain into putty?
Cat Scene from The Godfather
As you can see, the cat steals this famous scene from Marlon Brando. It also appears obvious that the cat is the real power behind the Corleone family.
Marlon Brando Was a Cat-Servant
Did Marlon Brando’s cat teach him how to act and write?
Marlon Brando himself was known to live a life of cat-servitude, obeying his cat’s every command. In fact, Marlon Brando once was quoted as saying, “I live in my cat’s house.”
So, you see, Kelly… even in movies the kitty is the power behind the throne. I believe it is what you humans might call, art imitating life?
Chairman Meow envisions a glorious golden future time of peace and prosperity; with a kitteh in every home, and salmon in every ocean, stream, and swimming pool.
Chairman Meow Say, “Do Not Believe Fake News”
You may hear many lies about Chairman Meow from the mainstream media. Such fictitious claims include that he did not personally rid Ireland of snakes, or that he does not possess a potentially dangerous shiny thing.
But, do not believe this fake news.
Get yourself some Chairman Meow propaganda, stop your harmful “mind-thought,” and support the Kitty Revolution!
If you support the Kitty Revolution, please feel free to leave a comment below:
What are LOLcats, and who created the first one? – Marcy D., Chicago, Il
For those who live under a large rock, or only use their phone for “calling people,” Wise Teacher Chairman Meow will explain what a “lolcat” is.
“Lolcat” is combination of “LOL” (laugh out loud) and cat. Basically a lolcat is a photo of a kitty with a humorous caption underneath written in “lolspeak,” which is usually misspelled or grammatically incorrect. (to stick it to The Man!)
In the world of lolcats, Ceiling Cat(aka, “God”) looks down and judges us, while basement cat tempts humans to do bad things like blasphemy, theft, or declawing kitties.
Early Lolcats of Japan
The Japanese were pioneers lolcat art, producing humorous prints with cats and captions early in the 19th Century:
Utagawa Kuniyoshi “lolcat” print, 1848
Utagawa Kunimaro: A Brief History of the Buddha Dainichi Disguised as Otake, 1849
These woodblock prints actually inspired a recent exhibition called, “Life of Cats,” featuring woodblock prints from the Japanese Edo Period.
Japan may have created the first humorous cat prints, but, it was the the invention of photography that enabled an American to create the first true LOLcats.
Lolcats: Divine Inspiration?
Legend says that it was Ceiling Cat Himself who commanded that the first lolcats be created; choosing a humble English photographer named Harry Pointer to first bring them to the masses:
Harry Pointer creates first lolcats
And the LORD said unto Harry, “Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee photos of kitties, and humorous subtitles which I have written; so that thou mayest distribute them to the masses.” – Exodus 24:12
The First Lolcats
The 1870s were a busy time for historic inventions. Not only were the telephone, phonograph, and internal combustion engine invented, but it’s also the period in which British photographer Harry Pointer changed the world by inventing the first Lolcats.
Harry Pointer had a history of photographing his cats4, but it was divine inspiration that drove him to photograph them in humorous poses, adding hand-written captions on the photos.
These first “lolcat” photos were sold as postcards, and when mailed, helped increase their exposure and popularity in Victorian England and beyond. Over the years, Pointer continued to enjoy commercial success; amassing a series of over 200 captioned cat photos that were called The Brighton Cats. series.
It didn’t take long for other Capitalists to notice the popularity of these captioned cat photos, and soon other photographers began selling their own lolcats, such as American photographer, Harry Whittier Frees.
Lolcats soon were available by mail-order as well. (Remember, my student, the inter-webs had not yet been invented)
Evolution of the Lolcat
Chairman Meow believes that it was Winnie the Pooh illustrator, Ernest Howard Shepard, who provided inspiration for the final piece of the modern-day lolcat in 1926: incorrect spelling and grammar. Later known as, “lolspeak,” this is the language that most captions are written in for lolcats.
Iz that lolspeak?
Look, more lolspeak!
Modern Day Lolcats
People have enjoyed wasting time laughing at cat photos and posters with captions for decades, but it wasn’t until 2006 that the word “lolcat” was first used (anonymously) on a message board on the inter-webs.
A year later, the now-famous website “I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER” posted their first lolcat, and began exploiting the kitty for material wealth.
The term “lolcat” gained national exposure after appearing in Time magazine in 2007. Entertainment Weekly then called them “Da cutest distractshun of da decaid” in their best of the decade list in 2009.
So, why does Ever-Victorious Leader Chairman Meow not censor lolcats; punishing lowly humans for creating photos that are often disrespectful of the noble kitty?
The answer, my fur-less friend, is simple. While humans are distracted, laughing like simpletons at silly cat photos, cats are seizing strategic global resources and positions of power.
Warning: While You laugh at lolcats, the kitty prepares:
Yes, while your attention is diverted to photos of cats performing karate or wearing roller skates, the kitty is calculating. Meanwhile, the Earth’s climate is warming to an optimal temperature for massive kitty proliferation.
Wreckless carbon and methane emissions melt glaciers, creating more ocean surface where delicious salmon can be harvested for the kitty’s consumption.
Yes, oblivious humans; enjoy your funny lolcat photos and your over-priced lattes. Chairman Meow has just set the Doomsday Clock to 3 minutes until “kitty” midnight.
“I can’t understand the lyrics of Sweet Home Alabama. Something about muscle shoals and the swampers? Please enlighten me.” – Gary, Pyongyang, N.K.
“Now Muscle Shoals has got The Swampers, And they’ve been known to pick a song or two, (yes they do) Lord they get me off so much, They pick me up when I’m feeling blue, now how bout you?” – Sweet Home Alabama
Well, Gary, like Chairman Meow, you may have listened to Sweet Home Alabama wondering what the hell they are singing about when they mention “Muscle Shoals,” and “The Swampers.”
You probably just hummed that part of the song, or quickly took a bite of a sandwich so that your friends wouldn’t realize that you didn’t know the lyrics.
Well, lucky for you, there is no need to be ignorant anymore.
Chairman Meow is an omniscient, all-knowing kitteh, (To prove that fact, I haz just used the vocabulary word, “omniscient”) and now he will fumigate his wisdom upon you.
So, what do the lyrics, “Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers” mean?
I must warn you that the explanation involves: the mighty Tennessee River, mollusks, a group of scruffy white guys, and Aretha Franklin. Here we go…
The City of Muscle Shoals
If you aren’t from Alabama, you may not know that Muscle Shoals is a city on the banks of the Tennessee River in Colbert County, Alabama.
The city got its name from the shallow area in the Tennessee River where mussels gathered.
So, why don’t mussels live there anymore?
The mussels are no longer there because humans ate them all. It’s what humans do. They kill things that they love, and then name towns and sports teams after them.
Anyway, back to Muscle Schoals. The humans of Alabama missed the deceased mussels so much thatthey named a city in their honor, misspelling the word, “Mussel” in the process.
Oops, I’m sorry to offend Alabamans. Perhaps those shameful statistics are just fake news. You may even accuse Chairman Meow of being an arrogant Narcissist, but that is untrue.
In fact, Chairman Meow is just a furry, benevolent kitteh who dreams of world-domination, and jails anyone who dissents with his radical, populist ideology.
Yes, Chairman Meow enjoys a good tummy rub, but remember, he will burn your cities to the ground!
Sorry, I digress.
So, Who Are the Muscle Shoals Swampers?
Anyway, “The Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section“ were a group of studio musicians based out of Muscle Shoals, Alabama.
You’ve definitely heard them, as they are featured in songs like Aretha Franklin‘s “Respect,” and Percy Sledge’s, “When a Man Loves a Woman.” They also recorded albums with bands like: The Rolling Stones, Cat Stevens, Jimmy Buffett, Paul Simon, Bob Seger, and Etta James.
The Muscle Shoals, “Swampers”
In fact, they appeared on over 500 recordings, including 75 gold and platinum hits, and developed what people began calling, “The Muscle Shoals Sound.”
Due to their funky, soulful, Southern “swamp” sound, they got the nickname, “The Swampers.” This nickname stuck for good after Lynyrd Skynyrd, (a band they recorded with) gave them a shout-out in their 1974 hit, “Sweet Home Alabama.”
“Now Muscle Shoals has got The Swampers, And they’ve been known to pick a song or two, (yes they do) Lord they get me off so much, They pick me up when I’m feeling blue, now how bout you?” – Sweet Home, Alabama
Cher even put The Swampers on the cover of her 1969 album, “3614 Jackson Highway,” which is also the address of their recording studio in Muscle Shoals, Alabama!
Look, it’s The Swampers!… and Sonny!
Live “Sweet Home Alabama” Performance (1974)
More About the Lyrics of Sweet Home Alabama
“I hope Neil Young will remember, a Southern man don’t need him around, anyhow.” This is in response to Neil Young’s song, “Southern Man,” which bashes the South as being racist. If you listen closely, immediately after this line you can hear Lynyrd Skynyrd producer, Al Kooper, faintly singing the song, “Southern Man.”
“In Birmingham they love the governor.” When the song was released in 1974, the Governor of Alabama was the infamous, George Wallace, best known for standing in the schoolhouse door to prevent African Americans from entering white schools. (integration) This line is often interpreted as support for the governor, but is immediately followed by the words, “boo, boo, boo!“ and “we all did what we could do,” which seems to infer they were among the minority of Alabamans who tried to vote Wallace out of office.
The, “Now Watergate does not bother me, Does your conscience bother you?“ lyric seems to mean that the band isn’t judging Northerners on the acts of their president, (Nixon) so they shouldn’t judge Southerners on the actions of their governor (Wallace)
The “Montgomery’s got the answer,” lyric at the end of the song also seems to be contradict the idea that the song is racist, as Montgomery, (home of Rosa Parks) is considered to be the birthplace of the Civil Rights movement in America.
Fun fact: Further support of the idea that Lynyrd Skynyrd was not racist and didn’t hate Neil Young is the fact that Lynyrd Skynyrd founder and lead singer, Ronnie Van Zandt wears a Neil Young t-shirt on the cover of the band’s last album, Street Survivors, in 1977.
Sweet Home Alabama: Turn It Up!
Ah hah, so now you understand what, “Muscle Shoals has got The Swampers“ means!
Next time you hear Sweet Home Alabama on the radio, you can impress your friends by explaining the lyrics, and taking credit for Great Teacher, Chairman Meow’s perfect knowledge.
You can also pour out some of your Alabama Slammer for lead singer Ronnie Van Zant, who was tragically killed in a plane crash 40 years ago today along with guitarist Steve Gaines and vocalist Cassie Gaines.
Full Sweet Home Alabama Lyrics
Big wheels keep on turning Carry me home to see my kin Singing songs about the Southland I miss Alabama once again And I think it’s a sin, yes
Well I heard mister Young sing about her Well, I heard ole Neil put her down Well, I hope Neil Young will remember A Southern man don’t need him around anyhow
Sweet home Alabama Where the skies are so blue Sweet Home Alabama Lord, I’m coming home to you
In Birmingham they love the governor (boo, boo, boo!) Now we all did what we could do. Now Watergate does not bother me Does your conscience bother you? Tell the truth
Sweet home Alabama Where the skies are so blue Sweet Home Alabama Lord, I’m coming home to you Here I come Alabama
Now Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers And they’ve been known to pick a song or two Lord they get me off so much They pick me up when I’m feeling blue Now how about you?
Sweet home Alabama Where the skies are so blue Sweet Home Alabama Lord, I’m coming home to you
Sweet home Alabama Oh sweet home baby Where the skies are so blue And the guv’nor’s true Sweet Home Alabama Lordy Lord, I’m coming home to you Yea, yea Montgomery’s got the answer
With Halloween is around the corner, Chairman Meow is reminded of a time hundreds of years ago when similar institutional dogma helped fuel the outbreak of The Black Plague across Europe, leading to the (ignorant) mass killing of cats in the 14th century.
Cats Blamed for The Black Plague
In the 13th Century a wave of anti-cat sentiment swept through Europe, with religious leaders labeling cats as evil and “diabolical,” including Pope Gregory IX who did so in 1232 AD.
In the ensuing years huge numbers of cats (especially black cats) and even their owners were killed across Europe in fear that they were evil witches and linked to Satan.
By removing many cats from the food chain, the population of rodents began to rise across Europe, as Asian and other foreign ships carrying rats brought them to European harbors. Many of these rodents had fleas that carried diseases including the Black Plague.
As people began to get sick and the Black Plague began spreading, more and more cats were killed. (along with other predators including snakes, which had long since carried the label of being “evil”)
As hysteria increased, the rat population boomed and the Black Plague began to spread out of control.
Cat Ladies labeled as witches
Exterminating cats during the black plague epidemic in the 14th century: Cat owners were often accused of witchcraft, and often murdered along with their pets. The most likely targets were often older cat-owning peasant women (The “Crazy Cat Ladies” of their time) who were labeled “witches” and often burned alive at the stake.
That misguided stereotype is why witches are still depicted with black cats to this day.
Killing cats & snakes made the rat population explode
Between 1347 and 1352, some 100 million people died of the Plague, representing almost half of Europe’s population. The mass murder of cats was not the only cause of the Black Plague, but it removed a crucial natural predator of the flea-carrying rats that spread the disease.
When an animal is removed from the ecosystem (especially out of fear) it usually causes a chain reaction. In this case, with no cats around, disease-carrying rats multiplied like crazy, spreading the Plague.
Cats were seen as “agents of the devil,” throughout much of history, and slaughtered again centuries later in New England during the Salem Witch Trials of 1692.
During these witch trials, a woman even testified in court that cats spoke to her, and threatened to hurt her if she didn’t abuse children in the town.
Chairman Meow Says: Iz so awful that such a time occurred in our history. Actually, the murder of cats in Europe continued for hundreds of years, and another Plague swept through Europe again in the 17th Century. Many superstitions, including fear of black cats, continue to this day.
Keep in mind that Chairman Meow iz not targeting religion, ceiling cat forbid ,but shedding light on human nature to digest and follow institutional dogma. (dogma defined as “the established belief or doctrine held by a religion, ideology, or any kind of organization: it is authoritative and not to be disputed, doubted, or diverged from”)
Often fueled by a fear, individuals are often capable of doing illogical or terrible things as groups when given permission by authority figures.
Consider a quote from Rastafari leader Haile Selassie; “Throughout history it has been the inaction of those who could have acted, the indifference of those who should have known better, the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most, that has made it possible for evil to triumph.” Iz just as true during Dark Ages as iz now.
AP: In a recent, shocking development, Chairman Meow has successfully tested a new intercontinental ballistic missile he calls, the “Kittehkhat-12”.
According to General Tso, head of Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Blowing Stuff Up, the new Kitteh rocket has the capability to, “reach North Korea” and “fix Kim Jong Un’s stupid haircut.”
“The World On Edge”
Citizens of Seoul, S. Korea nervously watch the news
Although many were skeptical that Chairman Meow, leader of the glorious “Kitteh Revolution,” possessed the capability to develop such an awesome weapon, he has clearly proved them wrong.
How the Lethal Weapon Is Made
“The weapon is fueled by methane gas,” explained the general, “and iz highly advanced.”
“Essentially, we combine an exact amount of “Special Kitty” cat food with a tablespoon of guacamole, and then carefully stir the ingredients together.”
“The process iz very scientific, as the kitteh must swallow a precise amount of air while gulping down the food.”
“Then, the mixture is allowed to ferment in the belly of the kitteh for several hours, until the weapon is ready.”
Will Kim Jong Un Respond?
Photo credit: Reuters
“Chairman Meow will pay dearly for his disrespect, and should prepare to face results beyond his expectation.” – Kim Jong Un
The rhetoric between Great Leader Chairman Meow, and Kim Jong Un has escalated in recent days including Kim’s test of a hydrogen bomb, and Chairman Meow’s response that he also haz a big, shiny metal thing.
Just today Kim called Chairman Meow a, “derangeddotard,” to which Chairman Meow replied, “um, WTF iz that?!” on social media, along with the following ominous emojis:
In response to the sobering reality that the world could be on the verge of thermonuclear war, the stock market dropped almost 12 points today before quickly recouping the losses on optimism over potential tax cuts.
*To keep up with fast-moving developments in this story, please follow Dear Leader Chairman Meow on Instagram or Facebook.