Once again, Chairman Meow finds himself at odds with the scientific community. Why, you ask?
Two words: Canis Minor.
The elites would have us believe that Canis Minor is a legitimate constellation that resembles a dog, but I dissent.
Gather around, my students, and let Chairman Meow educate you on the most disgraceful “constellation” in the sky, and why it must be boycotted.
The History of Canis Minor
First, a little history.
Or, should I say, “HIS” story.
The Canis Minor constellation was first catalogued by Greek scientist, Ptolemy, in the 2nd century AD. It is currently recognized by humans as one of the 88 “modern constellations,” and the Latin name “Canis Minor” translates to, “lesser dog.”
Lesser dog? Chairman Meow couldn’t agree more. It is truly a “lesser” constellation.
You see, this inferior constellation, consists of only two stars, yet supposedly resembles a dog, according to Ptolemy, and so-called “astronomy” books have perpetuated this lie for centuries.
Would you like to see Canis Minor for yourself?
Behold, the Canis Minor Constellation in all its splendor:
As you can see, Canis Minor is a poor excuse for a constellation.
Chairman Meow believes that when Ptolemy connected these two stars and saw a dog, he was either disseminating fake news, or smoking something a lot stronger than catnip.
The mainstream media has issued many patronizing diagrams, such as the one below, to convince us that there is merit to Ptolemy’s hallucination:
Not convinced those dots look like a dog?
Perhaps an artist’s rendering of Canis Minor with more detail will help:
Fancy drawing, but Chairman Meow is still not buying it.
Now things get really crazy
As if believeing that two connected dots can resemble a dog isn’t crazy enough, let us examine Canis Minor together with its neighboring constellation, Monoceros.
When we do, things quickly go from ludicrous to psychedelic:
The grouping of stars now apparently resembles a dog riding on the back of a flying unicorn! (sailing over a drafting table?)
I refuse to accept this foolishness.
Chairman Meow Boycotts Canis Minor
I’m sorry, but Chairman Meow will NOT accept this fraudulent constellation, but he will “connect the dots” for his followers.
Consider that Canis minor somehow survived through the millennia, while reasonable constellations like Felis the Cat were unfairly lost to history.
Does that seem fair, or perhaps the deck is stacked against us?
Chairman Meow is an open-minded cat, but there are some things that cannot be forgiven. These things include 11 inch hoagies marketed as being “foot long,” and stupid dog constellations made of two stars.
Chairman Meow must ask his followers to boycott this ridiculous dog “constellation,” as well as the two offending stars, Procyon and Gomeisa that Canis Minor is comprised of.
If you do gaze skyward in the Northern Hemisphere at night, please divert your eyes from these two charlatan stars.
Yes, go ahead and shun them like you are Jim Bob Duggar and they are your promiscuous daughters, strutting around town wearing sleeveless-shirts.
We shall never speak of Canis Minor again.
Chairman Meow haz spoken.