Category Archives: chairman meow wisdom

history of lolcats

The First LOLcat? Brief History of Lolcats from Chairman Meow

Dear Chairman Meow,

What are LOLcats, and who created the first one? – Marcy D., Chicago, Il

For those who live under a large rock, or only use their phone for “calling people,” Wise Teacher Chairman Meow will explain what a “lolcat” is.

“Lolcat” is combination of “LOL(laugh out loud) and cat. Basically a lolcat is a photo of a kitty with a humorous caption underneath written in “lolspeak,” which is usually misspelled or grammatically incorrect. (to stick it to The Man!) 

In the world of lolcats, Ceiling Cat (aka, “God”) looks down and judges us, while basement cat tempts humans to do bad things like blasphemy, theft, or declawing kitties.

Early Lolcats of Japan

The Japanese were pioneers lolcat art, producing humorous prints with cats and captions early in the 19th Century:

first japanese lolcat prints

Utagawa Kuniyoshi “lolcat” print, 1848

japan first lolcats

Utagawa Kunimaro: A Brief History of the Buddha Dainichi Disguised as Otake, 1849

These woodblock prints actually inspired a recent exhibition called, “Life of Cats,” featuring woodblock prints from the Japanese Edo Period.

Japan may have created the first humorous cat prints, but, it was the the invention of photography that enabled an American to create the first true LOLcats.

Lolcats: Divine Inspiration?

Legend says that it was Ceiling Cat Himself who commanded that the first lolcats be created; choosing a humble English photographer named Harry Pointer to first bring them to the masses:

first lolcat

Harry Pointer creates first lolcats

And the LORD said unto Harry, “Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee photos of kitties, and humorous subtitles which I have written; so that thou mayest distribute them to the masses.” – Exodus 24:12

The First Lolcats

The 1870s were a busy time for historic inventions. Not only were the telephone, phonograph, and internal combustion engine invented, but it’s also the period in which British photographer Harry Pointer changed the world by inventing the first Lolcats.  

first lolcat photos

Harry Pointer had a history of photographing his cats4, but it was divine inspiration that drove him to photograph them in humorous poses, adding hand-written captions on the photos.

These first “lolcat” photos were sold as postcards, and when mailed, helped increase their exposure and popularity in Victorian England and beyond. Over the years, Pointer continued to enjoy commercial success; amassing a series of over 200 captioned cat photos that were called The Brighton Cats. series.

first lolcats ever

Early Lolcats

It didn’t take long for other Capitalists to notice the popularity of these captioned cat photos, and soon other photographers began selling their own  lolcats, such as American photographer, Harry Whittier Frees.

frees early lolcat

Lolcats soon were available by mail-order as well. (Remember, my student, the inter-webs had not yet been invented)

early lolcat poster

Evolution of the Lolcat

Chairman Meow believes that it was Winnie the Pooh illustrator, Ernest Howard Shepard, who provided inspiration for the final piece of the modern-day lolcat in 1926: incorrect spelling and grammar. Later known as, “lolspeak,” this is the language that most captions are written in for lolcats.

lolcat history winnie pooh

Iz that lolspeak?

lolcat tigger lolspeak

Look, more lolspeak!

Modern Day Lolcats

People have enjoyed wasting time laughing at cat photos and posters with captions for decades, but it wasn’t until 2006 that the word “lolcat” was first used (anonymously) on a message board on the inter-webs.

A year later, the now-famous website “I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER” posted their first lolcat, and began exploiting the kitty for material wealth.

funny lolcat history

The term “lolcat” gained national exposure after appearing in Time magazine in 2007. Entertainment Weekly then called them “Da cutest distractshun of da decaid” in their best of the decade list in 2009.

The term “lolcat,” was added to the Oxford Dictionary in 2014, and the rest, as they say, is history. q(click to view lolcats larger)

Why Chairman Meow Approves of Lolcats

So, why does Ever-Victorious Leader Chairman Meow not censor lolcats; punishing lowly humans for creating photos that are often disrespectful of the noble kitty?

The answer, my fur-less friend, is simple. While humans are distracted, laughing like simpletons at silly cat photos, cats are seizing strategic global resources and positions of power.

funny lolcat loaf bread

lolcat airplane

lolcat cat wearing shoes


Warning: While You laugh at lolcats, the kitty prepares:

The kitty just waits...

Yes, while your attention is diverted to photos of cats performing karate or wearing roller skates, the kitty is calculating. Meanwhile, the Earth’s climate is warming to an optimal temperature for massive kitty proliferation.

Wreckless carbon and methane emissions melt  glaciers, creating more ocean surface where delicious salmon can be harvested for the kitty’s consumption.

Yes, oblivious humans; enjoy your funny lolcat photos and your over-priced lattes. Chairman Meow has just set the Doomsday Clock to 3 minutes until “kitty” midnight.

Chairman Meow haz spoken. Pleaze share.

Lolcat resources:


Featured coupon codes: We update our exclusive service codes everyday. Check out these promotional codes for free shipping & other great deals:

Related Posts

muscle shoals sweet home alabama lyrics

Sweet Home Alabama Lyrics: What Does “Muscle Shoals Has Got the Swampers” Mean?

chairman meowDear Chairman Meow,

“I can’t understand the lyrics of Sweet Home Alabama. Something about muscle shoals and the swampers? Please enlighten me.” – Gary, Pyongyang, N.K.

“Now Muscle Shoals has got The Swampers,
And they’ve been known to pick a song or two, (yes they do)
Lord they get me off so much,
They pick me up when I’m feeling blue, now how bout you?” – Sweet Home Alabama

Well, Gary, like Chairman Meow, you may have listened to Sweet Home Alabama wondering what the hell they are singing about when they mention “Muscle Shoals,” and “The Swampers.”

You probably just hummed that part of the song, or quickly took a bite of a sandwich so that your friends wouldn’t realize that you didn’t know the lyrics.

Well, lucky for you, there is no need to be ignorant anymore.

Chairman Meow is an omniscient, all-knowing kitteh, (To prove that fact, I haz just used the vocabulary word, “omniscient”) and now he will fumigate his wisdom upon you.

So, what do the lyrics, “Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers” mean?

I must warn you that the explanation involves: the mighty Tennessee River, mollusks, a group of  scruffy white guys, and Aretha Franklin. Here we go…

The City of Muscle Shoals

city of muscle schoals

If you aren’t from Alabama, you may not know that Muscle Shoals is a city on the banks of the Tennessee River in Colbert County, Alabama.

The city got its name from the shallow area in the Tennessee River where mussels gathered.

So, why don’t mussels live there anymore?

The mussels are no longer there because humans ate them all. It’s what humans do. They kill things that they love, and then name towns and sports teams after them.

Anyway, back to Muscle Schoals. The humans of Alabama missed the deceased mussels so much that they named a city in their honor, misspelling the word, “Mussel” in the process.

Would you expect anything less from a state that nationally ranks 5th worst in obesity and 47th best in education

chairman meowOops, I’m sorry to offend Alabamans. Perhaps those shameful statistics are just fake news. You may even accuse Chairman Meow of being an arrogant Narcissist, but that is untrue.

In fact, Chairman Meow is just a furry, benevolent kitteh who dreams of world-domination, and jails anyone who dissents with his radical, populist ideology.

Yes, Chairman Meow enjoys a good tummy rub, but remember, he will burn your cities to the ground! 

Sorry, I digress.

So, Who Are the Muscle Shoals Swampers?

Anyway,The Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section were a group of studio musicians based out of Muscle Shoals, Alabama.

You’ve definitely heard them, as they are featured in songs like Aretha Franklin‘s “Respect,” and Percy Sledge’s, “When a Man Loves a Woman.” They also recorded albums with bands like: The Rolling Stones, Cat Stevens, Jimmy Buffett, Paul Simon, Bob Seger, and Etta James.

muscle shoals swampers

The Muscle Shoals, “Swampers”

In fact, they appeared on over 500 recordings, including 75 gold and platinum hits, and developed what people began calling, “The Muscle Shoals Sound.”

Due to their funky, soulful, Southern “swamp” sound, they got the nickname, The Swampers.” This nickname stuck for good after Lynyrd Skynyrd, (a band they recorded with) gave them a shout-out in their 1974 hit, Sweet Home Alabama.”

“Now Muscle Shoals has got The Swampers,
And they’ve been known to pick a song or two, (yes they do)
Lord they get me off so much,
They pick me up when I’m feeling blue, now how bout you?” – Sweet Home, Alabama

Cher even put The Swampers on the cover of her 1969 album, “3614 Jackson Highway,” which is also the address of their recording studio in Muscle Shoals, Alabama!

Muscle shoals swampers

Look, it’s The Swampers!… and Sonny!


Live “Sweet Home Alabama” Performance (1974)

 

More About the Lyrics of Sweet Home Alabama

  • I hope Neil Young will remember, a Southern man don’t need him around, anyhow.” This is in response to Neil Young’s song, “Southern Man,” which bashes the South as being racist. If you listen closely, immediately after this line you can hear Lynyrd Skynyrd producer, Al Kooper, faintly singing the song, “Southern Man.”
  • In Birmingham they love the governor.” When the song was released in 1974, the Governor of Alabama was the infamous, George Wallace, best known for standing in the schoolhouse door to prevent African Americans from entering white schools. (integration) This line is often interpreted as support for the governor, but is immediately followed by the words, boo, boo, boo! and we all did what we could do,” which seems to infer they were among the minority of Alabamans who tried to vote Wallace out of office.
  • The, Now Watergate does not bother me, Does your conscience bother you? lyric seems to mean that the band isn’t judging Northerners on the acts of their president, (Nixon) so they shouldn’t judge Southerners on the actions of their governor (Wallace)  
  • The Montgomery’s got the answer,” lyric at the end of the song also seems to be contradict the idea that the song is racist, as Montgomery, (home of Rosa Parks) is considered to be the birthplace of the Civil Rights movement in America.

Fun fact: Further support of the idea that Lynyrd Skynyrd was not racist and didn’t hate Neil Young is the fact that Lynyrd Skynyrd founder and lead singer, Ronnie Van Zandt wears a Neil Young t-shirt on the cover of the band’s last album, Street Survivors, in 1977.

Sweet Home Alabama: Turn It Up!

Ah hah, so now you understand what, Muscle Shoals has got The Swampers means!

Next time you hear Sweet Home Alabama on the radio, you can impress your friends by explaining the lyrics, and taking credit for Great Teacher, Chairman Meow’s perfect knowledge.

You can also pour out some of your Alabama Slammer for lead singer Ronnie Van Zant, who was tragically killed in a plane crash 40 years ago today along with guitarist Steve Gaines and vocalist Cassie Gaines.

Full Sweet Home Alabama Lyrics

Big wheels keep on turning
Carry me home to see my kin
Singing songs about the Southland
I miss Alabama once again
And I think it’s a sin, yes

Well I heard mister Young sing about her
Well, I heard ole Neil put her down
Well, I hope Neil Young will remember
A Southern man don’t need him around anyhow

Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I’m coming home to you

In Birmingham they love the governor (boo, boo, boo!)
Now we all did what we could do.
Now Watergate does not bother me
Does your conscience bother you?
Tell the truth

Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I’m coming home to you
Here I come Alabama

Now Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers
And they’ve been known to pick a song or two
Lord they get me off so much
They pick me up when I’m feeling blue
Now how about you?

Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I’m coming home to you

Sweet home Alabama
Oh sweet home baby
Where the skies are so blue
And the guv’nor’s true
Sweet Home Alabama
Lordy
Lord, I’m coming home to you
Yea, yea Montgomery’s got the answer

More: *Top 20 sounds recorded in Muscle Shoals – al.com

Related Posts

cats witches black plague cause

Why Cats Were (Wrongly) Blamed for the Black Plague in Europe

With Halloween is around the corner, Chairman Meow is reminded of a time hundreds of years ago when similar institutional dogma helped fuel the outbreak of The Black Plague across Europe, leading to the (ignorant) mass killing of cats in the 14th century.

Cats Blamed for The Black Plague

In the 13th Century a wave of anti-cat sentiment swept through Europe, with religious leaders labeling cats as evil and “diabolical,” including Pope Gregory IX who did so in 1232 AD.

In the ensuing years huge numbers of cats (especially black cats) and even their owners were killed across Europe in fear that they were evil witches and linked to Satan.

black plague europe

By removing many cats from the food chain, the population of rodents began to rise across Europe, as Asian and other foreign ships carrying rats brought them to European harbors. Many of these rodents had fleas that carried diseases including the Black Plague.

As people began to get sick and the Black Plague began spreading, more and more cats were killed. (along with other predators including snakes, which had long since carried the label of being “evil”)

As hysteria increased, the rat population boomed and the Black Plague began to spread out of control.

Cat Ladies labeled as witches

witches black cat plague

Exterminating cats during the black plague epidemic in the 14th century: Cat owners were often accused of witchcraft, and often murdered along with their pets. The most likely targets  were often older cat-owning peasant women (The “Crazy Cat Ladies” of their time) who were labeled “witches” and often burned alive at the stake.

That misguided stereotype is why witches are still depicted with black cats to this day.

Killing cats & snakes made the rat population explode

Between 1347 and 1352, some 100 million people died of the Plague, representing almost half of Europe’s population. The mass murder of cats was not the only cause of the Black Plague, but it removed a crucial natural predator of the flea-carrying rats that spread the disease.

When an animal is removed from the ecosystem (especially out of fear) it usually causes a chain reaction. In this case, with no cats around, disease-carrying rats multiplied like crazy, spreading the Plague.

Cats were seen as “agents of the devil,” throughout much of history, and slaughtered again centuries later in New England during the Salem Witch Trials of 1692.

During these witch trials, a woman even testified in court that cats spoke to her, and threatened to hurt her if she didn’t abuse children in the town.


chairman meowChairman Meow Says: Iz so awful that such a time occurred in our history. Actually, the murder of cats in Europe continued for hundreds of years, and another Plague swept through Europe again in the 17th Century. Many superstitions, including fear of black cats, continue to this day.

Keep in mind that Chairman Meow iz not targeting religion, ceiling cat forbid ,but shedding light on human nature to digest and follow institutional dogma. (dogma defined as “the established belief or doctrine held by a religion, ideology, or any kind of organization: it is authoritative and not to be disputed, doubted, or diverged from”)

Often fueled by a fear, individuals are often capable of doing illogical or terrible things as groups when given permission by authority figures.

Consider a quote from Rastafari leader Haile Selassie; “Throughout history it has been the inaction of those who could have acted, the indifference of those who should have known better, the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most, that has made it possible for evil to triumph.” Iz just as true during Dark Ages as iz now.


*Coupons: Check out our coupons for stores like Checks Unlimited and CheapOair!

crazy toxoplasmosis cat

Toxoplasmosis: How Cat Poop Can Turn You Into a Crazy Cat Lady (or Gentleman)

chairman meowDear Chairman Meow, is “crazy cat lady syndrome” actually real? Please educate me with your vast knowledge. – Jim S. of Winfield, PA

Yes, Jim, it’s a real thing. Allow Chairman Meow to educate you about a tiny parasite, called toxoplasma gondii, that creates crazy cat ladies who hoard many kittehs.

How toxoplasmosis helps cats control humans:

There are many ways that a kitty can take control of humans, turning them into mere servants.

While good old fashioned psychic-kitteh mind control usually is enough to break the will of any human, recently scientists have become wise to one of their sneakier methods; a parasite found in their poop called, Toxoplasma gondii.

What is toxoplasma gondii?

Toxoplasma gondii is a microbe commonly found in cat poop.

How does the toxo get into a cat in the first place, you ask? Toxo is initially found in infected mice, so outdoor or barn cats who catch mice are more prone to contracting it.

Actually, toxo seems to slow mice down, so your cat is more likely to catch an infected mouse than a healthy one.

If ingested by humans, it causes toxoplasmosis; (aka t. gondii, or toxo) a disease that causes flu-like symptoms, especially dangerous to people with weakened immune systems. “Toxo” is the reason pregnant women are told to stay away from litter boxes.

Scientists used to believe that people with strong immune systems quickly fought off toxo, and it just went dormant after being defeated. However, shocking recent evidence from scientists like Jaroslav Flegr suggest otherwise.

Toxoplasma gondii – It’s All In Your Head

It seems that scientists have vastly underestimated this organism, which may be affecting the behavior of millions of humans around the world by literally getting into their heads. In fact, the CDC estimates that some 60 million Americans are carrying the Toxoplasma parasite.

Although few people have symptoms, it’s thought that toxoplasma gondii can affect and control the connections between neurons in our brains, directly impacting our actions and emotions; possibly even turning us into “crazy cat ladies.” (and gentlemen)

crazy cat lady toxo

Crazy Cat Lady Syndrome & Toxoplasmosis

crazy cat lady simpsonsToxo is likely what puts the “crazy” in crazy cat lady, causing OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) depression, cat hoarding, and even an increased rate of suicide.

In male cat owners, toxo infection can affect behavior; encouraging anti-social behavior such as suspicion and withdrawal.

It’s as if toxo wants you to isolate yourself with cats to improve your chances of being eaten by one!

So, why does Toxo want to get in our heads?

The only place that Toxo can sexually reproduce is inside a cat, and it seems to know that. It appears that toxo takes over the brain of it’s host in an attempt to get back into a cat.

toxoplasmosis cat poop
And, it’s not just humans that Toxo controls. Infected rodents become less cautious, more active, and have delayed reaction times; making them easier prey for cats.

Also, these infected rodents are actually attracted to the smell of cat urine, which normally should signal danger.

It’s as if the parasite is leading them into the belly of the cat where it can then reproduce!

This may also be why if you die alone with a house cat, they will only wait a day or two to start eating you; (known as “postmortem predation”) dogs will wait much longer.

Toxoplasmosis & schizophrenia

Toxo also seems to be a trigger for schizophrenia in people who are already genetically susceptible. Recent tests also implied a link between childhood exposure to cats and schizophrenia, and many schizophrenia patients have also tested positive for the presence of Toxoplasma gondii.

In fact, schizophrenia itself didn’t become a commonly diagnosed disease until the late 18th Century; the same time that house cats became popular pets. Coincidence?

Does Chairman Meow Spread Toxoplasma gondii?

Chairman Meow denies intentionally spreading Toxoplasma gondii to soften the brains of humans; turning them into mindless kitty puppets. (Although he does admit to pooping in neighborhood sandboxes, and in an occasional Starbucks.)


More about Toxoplasma gondii

Related Posts

canis minor stars

Chairman Meow Calls for Boycott of Canis Minor Constellation

chairman meow facebookOnce again, Chairman Meow finds himself at odds with the scientific community. Why, you ask? 

Two words: Canis Minor.

The elites would have us believe that Canis Minor is a legitimate constellation that resembles a dog, but I dissent. 

Gather around, my students, and let Chairman Meow educate you on the most disgraceful “constellation” in the sky, and why it must be boycotted.

The History of Canis Minor

First, a little history.

Or, should I say, “HIS” story.

The Canis Minor constellation was first catalogued by Greek scientist, Ptolemy, in the 2nd century AD. It is currently recognized by humans as one of the 88 “modern constellations,” and the Latin name “Canis Minor” translates to, lesser dog.

Lesser dog? Chairman Meow couldn’t agree more. It is truly a “lesser” constellation.

You see, this inferior constellation, consists of only two stars, yet supposedly resembles a dog, according to Ptolemy, and so-called “astronomy” books have perpetuated this lie for centuries.

Would you like to see Canis Minor for yourself?

Behold, the Canis Minor Constellation in all its splendor:

canis minor stars

As you can see, Canis Minor is a poor excuse for a constellation.

Chairman Meow believes that when Ptolemy connected these two stars and saw a dog, he was either disseminating fake news, or smoking something a lot stronger than catnip.

The mainstream media has issued many patronizing diagrams, such as the one below, to convince us that there is merit to Ptolemy’s hallucination:

canis minor constellation

Not convinced those dots look like a dog?

Perhaps an artist’s rendering of Canis Minor with more detail will help:

canis minor dog constellation

Fancy drawing, but Chairman Meow is still not buying it.

Now things get really crazy 

As if believeing that two connected dots can resemble a dog isn’t crazy enough, let us examine Canis Minor together with its neighboring constellation, Monoceros.

When we do, things quickly go from ludicrous to psychedelic:
canus minor unicorn

The grouping of stars now apparently resembles a dog riding on the back of a flying unicorn! (sailing over a drafting table?) 

I refuse to accept this foolishness.

Chairman Meow Boycotts Canis Minor

canis minor 2 starsI’m sorry, but Chairman Meow will NOT accept this fraudulent constellation, but he will “connect the dots” for his followers.

Consider that Canis minor somehow survived through the millennia, while reasonable constellations like Felis the Cat were unfairly lost to history.

Does that seem fair, or perhaps the deck is stacked against us? 

Chairman Meow is an open-minded cat, but there are some things that cannot be forgiven. These things include 11 inch hoagies marketed as being “foot long,” and stupid dog constellations made of two stars.

Chairman Meow must ask his followers to boycott this ridiculous dog “constellation,” as well as the two offending stars, Procyon and Gomeisa that Canis Minor is comprised of.

If you do gaze skyward in the Northern Hemisphere at night, please divert your eyes from these two charlatan stars.

Yes, go ahead and shun them like you are Jim Bob Duggar and they are your promiscuous daughters, strutting around town wearing sleeveless-shirts.

We shall never speak of Canis Minor again.

Chairman Meow haz spoken.

Related Posts

cat or possum

Chairman Meow Explains Difference Between Cats & Possums

chairman meow facebookDear Chairman Meow, what kind of cat is this!? – Dan, Miami Florida

Thank you for your question, Dan. Apparently there has been some confusion as to what is a kitty, and what is not a kitty. This may be due to recent proliferation of fake news on the inter-webs.

Or, perhaps this “kitty confusion” can be blamed on recent Fox News special entitled, “Possums: Are They Just Liberal Cats?

In any event, please allow Great Teacher Chairman Meow to educate you.

Hmmm… Is this a cat?

First, here is the potential “cat” in question:

cat found flyer possum

First, let us find clues as to if this mysterious creature is truly a cat.

  • If perceived “kitty” haz long, pointed nose, the animal may not be a kitty
  • If the animal was found hanging upside-down from a tree by its tail, it is probably not a kitty

Ah hah, it appears that this animal is NOT a kitty! In which case, Dan, please step back from the non-kitty to avoid potential harm. 

In fact, instead of giving you love and affection, this non-kitty may give you many puncture wounds and rabies

Helpful Diagram of a Standard Cat

Still confused? Here is diagram of what common kitty looks like, that has been approved by Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Truth:

cat mao chinese character

Yes, Mao Means, “Cat!”

Oh how Chairman Meow loves irony!

You have come here seeking knowledge, and Great Teacher Meow has filled your brain with TWO shiny pearls of wisdom:

  1. You can now identify a cat
  2. You have learned that “Mao” means “cat” in Chinese

In any event, Dan, that you for your question for Glorious Leader Chairman Meow. I hope that you have lived through your perilous brush with the non-kitty, and go on to live a long, prosperous life filled with loving-affection from actual kitties.

Chairman Meow haz spoken.

Related Posts