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crazy toxoplasmosis cat

Toxoplasmosis: How Cat Poop Can Turn You Into a Crazy Cat Lady (or Gentleman)

chairman meowDear Chairman Meow, is “crazy cat lady syndrome” actually real? Please educate me with your vast knowledge. – Jim S. of Winfield, PA

Yes, Jim, it’s a real thing. Allow Chairman Meow to educate you about a tiny parasite, called toxoplasma gondii, that creates crazy cat ladies who hoard many kittehs.

How toxoplasmosis helps cats control humans:

There are many ways that a kitty can take control of humans, turning them into mere servants.

While good old fashioned psychic-kitteh mind control usually is enough to break the will of any human, recently scientists have become wise to one of their sneakier methods; a parasite found in their poop called, Toxoplasma gondii.

What is toxoplasma gondii?

Toxoplasma gondii is a microbe commonly found in cat poop.

How does the toxo get into a cat in the first place, you ask? Toxo is initially found in infected mice, so outdoor or barn cats who catch mice are more prone to contracting it.

Actually, toxo seems to slow mice down, so your cat is more likely to catch an infected mouse than a healthy one.

If ingested by humans, it causes toxoplasmosis; (aka t. gondii, or toxo) a disease that causes flu-like symptoms, especially dangerous to people with weakened immune systems. “Toxo” is the reason pregnant women are told to stay away from litter boxes.

Scientists used to believe that people with strong immune systems quickly fought off toxo, and it just went dormant after being defeated. However, shocking recent evidence from scientists like Jaroslav Flegr suggest otherwise.

Toxoplasma gondii – It’s All In Your Head

It seems that scientists have vastly underestimated this organism, which may be affecting the behavior of millions of humans around the world by literally getting into their heads. In fact, the CDC estimates that some 60 million Americans are carrying the Toxoplasma parasite.

Although few people have symptoms, it’s thought that toxoplasma gondii can affect and control the connections between neurons in our brains, directly impacting our actions and emotions; possibly even turning us into “crazy cat ladies.” (and gentlemen)

crazy cat lady toxo

Crazy Cat Lady Syndrome & Toxoplasmosis

crazy cat lady simpsonsToxo is likely what puts the “crazy” in crazy cat lady, causing OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) depression, cat hoarding, and even an increased rate of suicide.

In male cat owners, toxo infection can affect behavior; encouraging anti-social behavior such as suspicion and withdrawal.

It’s as if toxo wants you to isolate yourself with cats to improve your chances of being eaten by one!

So, why does Toxo want to get in our heads?

The only place that Toxo can sexually reproduce is inside a cat, and it seems to know that. It appears that toxo takes over the brain of it’s host in an attempt to get back into a cat.

toxoplasmosis cat poop
And, it’s not just humans that Toxo controls. Infected rodents become less cautious, more active, and have delayed reaction times; making them easier prey for cats.

Also, these infected rodents are actually attracted to the smell of cat urine, which normally should signal danger.

It’s as if the parasite is leading them into the belly of the cat where it can then reproduce!

This may also be why if you die alone with a house cat, they will only wait a day or two to start eating you; (known as “postmortem predation”) dogs will wait much longer.

Toxoplasmosis & schizophrenia

Toxo also seems to be a trigger for schizophrenia in people who are already genetically susceptible. Recent tests also implied a link between childhood exposure to cats and schizophrenia, and many schizophrenia patients have also tested positive for the presence of Toxoplasma gondii.

In fact, schizophrenia itself didn’t become a commonly diagnosed disease until the late 18th Century; the same time that house cats became popular pets. Coincidence?

Does Chairman Meow Spread Toxoplasma gondii?

Chairman Meow denies intentionally spreading Toxoplasma gondii to soften the brains of humans; turning them into mindless kitty puppets. (Although he does admit to pooping in neighborhood sandboxes, and in an occasional Starbucks.)


More about Toxoplasma gondii

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kim jong un cat space laser

Kim Jong-Un Warns Cats: “I Has a Giant Space Laser-Pointer”

north korean news report

North Korea threatens the Kitteh

AP: Kim Jong Un Threatens Cats With Giant Space-Laser – In what appears to be retaliation after a recent alliance between Lenin Cat and Chairman Meow, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un warned that he has obtained a “giant space-laser,” saying:

“The kitty can not resist the laser beam. I have personally instructed my scientists to create a huge frickin’ laser beam in space, capable of reaching every kitchen floor in America.

When I deploy the laser, kitties everywhere will be mere puppets of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea; helplessly chasing the dot until they collapse.” – Kim Jong Un

North Korean state media then released this shocking, propaganda video, showing the terrifying power of the space laser:

shocking video shows power of space laser

Chairman Meow responds to North Korean threat

Immediately after receiving the threat of a space-laser attack from North Korea, Chairman Meow issued the following statement:

“As leader of the Glorious Kitteh Revolution, I must protect kittehs from all threats; both foreign and domestic

That is why I haz already ordered mass-production of special scientific glasses that will protect the kitteh against the terrifying, hypnotic power of the space-laser:”

cat sunglasses laser pointer

chairman meow facebookI urge all kittehs to wear these protective glasses until further notice, and the threat is over.

But, fear not comrades; I will blow up this “space laser,” but not before turning it on Mr. Un, so that I may give him a much-needed haircut.

You see, Mr. Un, you will never control the kitteh, because the kitteh is too clever. In fact, soon the Glorious Kitty Revolution will begin, and then you and your people will be mere slaves in Chairman Meow’s catnip fields.”

– Chairman Meow haz spoken

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Did Martha Washington Name Her Cat After Alexander Hamilton?

chairman meow facebookDear Chairman Meow, is it true that Martha Washington named her cat after Alexander Hamilton? – Peggy, New York, NY

Yes, Peggy, rumor has it that Founding Father Alexander Hamilton was a bit of a dog when it came to the ladies.

Actually, you could say he was more of a tomcat; and George Washington’s wife, Martha, seemed to agree.

That’s apparently why Martha Washington named their feral tomcat “Hamilton,” after Alexander due to his reputation as a scoundrel and womanizer.

This rumor is mentioned in “Hamilton” the musical

Actually, this historical rumor is mentioned in the Broadway show Hamilton, and explained in a tweet by creator Lin Manuel Miranda:

If you are a fan of the Hamilton Soundtrack, you’ll know that Lin Manuel Miranda mentions this fact in the song, A Winter’s Ball:

Aaron Burr
“(Ladies) They delighted and distracted him,

Martha Washington named her feral tomcat after him!”

Hamilton
“That’s true!”

They also refer to Alexander Hamilton as, “The Tomcat” in the song, “The Story of Tonight”:

“I’ve seen wonders great and small, 
‘Cause if the tomcat can get married,
There’s hope for our ass, after all!”


Curiosity killed The Tomcat’s political career

“When the sword is once drawn, the passions of men observe no bounds of moderation.” – Alexander Hamilton

(Ummm… double entendre?)  Anyway, it was apparently Hamilton’s curiosity with the ladies (and not observing the “bounds of moderation”) that killed his political career, specifically when he admitted to a lengthy affair with a married woman in the 95-page Reynold’s Pamphlet of 1797.

In fact, John Adams wife, Abigail, once wrote that Hamilton represented “lasciviousness itself.”

Sounds like Hamilton’s reputation of being a tomcat is well-deserved.

Although Hamilton did seem to always land on his feet, the last of his nine lives ended in 1804 when he was mortally wounded in a famous duel with Aaron Burr.

So, did Martha Washington name her cat after Alexander Hamilton?

Because there is no written records about the Washington’s cats, it would be hard to prove the rumor definitively either way.

However, the story seems to have credibility, and bones found around Mt. Vernon confirm that feral cats were present while the Washington’s lived there.

So, Peggy, the rumor that Martha Washington named her cat after Alexander Hamilton is probably true.

As you can imagine, having a cat named after you is the highest of honors for any human, so Hamilton’s eponymous kitty at Mt. Vernon is surely his most significant legacy.

Chairman Meow haz spoken. 

chairman meow cosmos

BELIEVE: To the Cosmos! – Long Live the Kitty

To the Cosmos!

poster believe long live kitty cosmos

To the Cosmos!

  • Available on light & dark at T-Shirtsnew at our threadless.com shop!
  • Limited edition, signed, screen-printed poster coming soon

To the Cosmos! Chairman Meow Will Explore Space

long live kitty mission control

chairman meow facebookAlready a hero for his bravery, the intrepid Great Helmsman Meow promises to bring glory to the Kitty Revolution by putting a cat into space.

In this inspiring design, he encourages his cheering followers to believe that all things are possible, as he declares, “to the cosmos!

However, since the moon is made of cheese, Chairman Meow warns humans that it may be a haven for rodents, and unsafe until these vermin are eradicated by the kitty.

Chairman Meow confidently looks towards the heavens, and using his superior feline mind, he creates magnificent constellations, connecting dots that were previously thought to be unrelated.

Supreme Commander Meow informs the captivated masses that each of these constellations may contain more catnip and tasty fish than the mind can picture.

Honor the Kitty Revolution, and support Leader Meow’s great leap forward to space by purchasing a t-shirt from Long Live the Kitty on Threadless.com!

 

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