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history of lolcats

The First LOLcat? Brief History of Lolcats from Chairman Meow

Dear Chairman Meow,

What are LOLcats, and who created the first one? – Marcy D., Chicago, Il

For those who live under a large rock, or only use their phone for “calling people,” Wise Teacher Chairman Meow will explain what a “lolcat” is.

“Lolcat” is combination of “LOL(laugh out loud) and cat. Basically a lolcat is a photo of a kitty with a humorous caption underneath written in “lolspeak,” which is usually misspelled or grammatically incorrect. (to stick it to The Man!) 

In the world of lolcats, Ceiling Cat (aka, “God”) looks down and judges us, while basement cat tempts humans to do bad things like blasphemy, theft, or declawing kitties.

Early Lolcats of Japan

The Japanese were pioneers lolcat art, producing humorous prints with cats and captions early in the 19th Century:

first japanese lolcat prints

Utagawa Kuniyoshi “lolcat” print, 1848

japan first lolcats

Utagawa Kunimaro: A Brief History of the Buddha Dainichi Disguised as Otake, 1849

These woodblock prints actually inspired a recent exhibition called, “Life of Cats,” featuring woodblock prints from the Japanese Edo Period.

Japan may have created the first humorous cat prints, but, it was the the invention of photography that enabled an American to create the first true LOLcats.

Lolcats: Divine Inspiration?

Legend says that it was Ceiling Cat Himself who commanded that the first lolcats be created; choosing a humble English photographer named Harry Pointer to first bring them to the masses:

first lolcat

Harry Pointer creates first lolcats

And the LORD said unto Harry, “Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee photos of kitties, and humorous subtitles which I have written; so that thou mayest distribute them to the masses.” – Exodus 24:12

The First Lolcats

The 1870s were a busy time for historic inventions. Not only were the telephone, phonograph, and internal combustion engine invented, but it’s also the period in which British photographer Harry Pointer changed the world by inventing the first Lolcats.  

first lolcat photos

Harry Pointer had a history of photographing his cats4, but it was divine inspiration that drove him to photograph them in humorous poses, adding hand-written captions on the photos.

These first “lolcat” photos were sold as postcards, and when mailed, helped increase their exposure and popularity in Victorian England and beyond. Over the years, Pointer continued to enjoy commercial success; amassing a series of over 200 captioned cat photos that were called The Brighton Cats. series.

first lolcats ever

Early Lolcats

It didn’t take long for other Capitalists to notice the popularity of these captioned cat photos, and soon other photographers began selling their own  lolcats, such as American photographer, Harry Whittier Frees.

frees early lolcat

Lolcats soon were available by mail-order as well. (Remember, my student, the inter-webs had not yet been invented)

early lolcat poster

Evolution of the Lolcat

Chairman Meow believes that it was Winnie the Pooh illustrator, Ernest Howard Shepard, who provided inspiration for the final piece of the modern-day lolcat in 1926: incorrect spelling and grammar. Later known as, “lolspeak,” this is the language that most captions are written in for lolcats.

lolcat history winnie pooh

Iz that lolspeak?

lolcat tigger lolspeak

Look, more lolspeak!

Modern Day Lolcats

People have enjoyed wasting time laughing at cat photos and posters with captions for decades, but it wasn’t until 2006 that the word “lolcat” was first used (anonymously) on a message board on the inter-webs.

A year later, the now-famous website “I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER” posted their first lolcat, and began exploiting the kitty for material wealth.

funny lolcat history

The term “lolcat” gained national exposure after appearing in Time magazine in 2007. Entertainment Weekly then called them “Da cutest distractshun of da decaid” in their best of the decade list in 2009.

The term “lolcat,” was added to the Oxford Dictionary in 2014, and the rest, as they say, is history. q(click to view lolcats larger)

Why Chairman Meow Approves of Lolcats

So, why does Ever-Victorious Leader Chairman Meow not censor lolcats; punishing lowly humans for creating photos that are often disrespectful of the noble kitty?

The answer, my fur-less friend, is simple. While humans are distracted, laughing like simpletons at silly cat photos, cats are seizing strategic global resources and positions of power.

funny lolcat loaf bread

lolcat airplane

lolcat cat wearing shoes


Warning: While You laugh at lolcats, the kitty prepares:

The kitty just waits...

Yes, while your attention is diverted to photos of cats performing karate or wearing roller skates, the kitty is calculating. Meanwhile, the Earth’s climate is warming to an optimal temperature for massive kitty proliferation.

Wreckless carbon and methane emissions melt  glaciers, creating more ocean surface where delicious salmon can be harvested for the kitty’s consumption.

Yes, oblivious humans; enjoy your funny lolcat photos and your over-priced lattes. Chairman Meow has just set the Doomsday Clock to 3 minutes until “kitty” midnight.

Chairman Meow haz spoken. Pleaze share.

Lolcat resources:


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muscle shoals sweet home alabama lyrics

Sweet Home Alabama Lyrics: What Does “Muscle Shoals Has Got the Swampers” Mean?

chairman meowDear Chairman Meow,

“I can’t understand the lyrics of Sweet Home Alabama. Something about muscle shoals and the swampers? Please enlighten me.” – Gary, Pyongyang, N.K.

“Now Muscle Shoals has got The Swampers,
And they’ve been known to pick a song or two, (yes they do)
Lord they get me off so much,
They pick me up when I’m feeling blue, now how bout you?” – Sweet Home Alabama

Well, Gary, like Chairman Meow, you may have listened to Sweet Home Alabama wondering what the hell they are singing about when they mention “Muscle Shoals,” and “The Swampers.”

You probably just hummed that part of the song, or quickly took a bite of a sandwich so that your friends wouldn’t realize that you didn’t know the lyrics.

Well, lucky for you, there is no need to be ignorant anymore.

Chairman Meow is an omniscient, all-knowing kitteh, (To prove that fact, I haz just used the vocabulary word, “omniscient”) and now he will fumigate his wisdom upon you.

So, what do the lyrics, “Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers” mean?

I must warn you that the explanation involves: the mighty Tennessee River, mollusks, a group of  scruffy white guys, and Aretha Franklin. Here we go…

The City of Muscle Shoals

city of muscle schoals

If you aren’t from Alabama, you may not know that Muscle Shoals is a city on the banks of the Tennessee River in Colbert County, Alabama.

The city got its name from the shallow area in the Tennessee River where mussels gathered.

So, why don’t mussels live there anymore?

The mussels are no longer there because humans ate them all. It’s what humans do. They kill things that they love, and then name towns and sports teams after them.

Anyway, back to Muscle Schoals. The humans of Alabama missed the deceased mussels so much that they named a city in their honor, misspelling the word, “Mussel” in the process.

Would you expect anything less from a state that nationally ranks 5th worst in obesity and 47th best in education

chairman meowOops, I’m sorry to offend Alabamans. Perhaps those shameful statistics are just fake news. You may even accuse Chairman Meow of being an arrogant Narcissist, but that is untrue.

In fact, Chairman Meow is just a furry, benevolent kitteh who dreams of world-domination, and jails anyone who dissents with his radical, populist ideology.

Yes, Chairman Meow enjoys a good tummy rub, but remember, he will burn your cities to the ground! 

Sorry, I digress.

So, Who Are the Muscle Shoals Swampers?

Anyway,The Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section were a group of studio musicians based out of Muscle Shoals, Alabama.

You’ve definitely heard them, as they are featured in songs like Aretha Franklin‘s “Respect,” and Percy Sledge’s, “When a Man Loves a Woman.” They also recorded albums with bands like: The Rolling Stones, Cat Stevens, Jimmy Buffett, Paul Simon, Bob Seger, and Etta James.

muscle shoals swampers

The Muscle Shoals, “Swampers”

In fact, they appeared on over 500 recordings, including 75 gold and platinum hits, and developed what people began calling, “The Muscle Shoals Sound.”

Due to their funky, soulful, Southern “swamp” sound, they got the nickname, The Swampers.” This nickname stuck for good after Lynyrd Skynyrd, (a band they recorded with) gave them a shout-out in their 1974 hit, Sweet Home Alabama.”

“Now Muscle Shoals has got The Swampers,
And they’ve been known to pick a song or two, (yes they do)
Lord they get me off so much,
They pick me up when I’m feeling blue, now how bout you?” – Sweet Home, Alabama

Cher even put The Swampers on the cover of her 1969 album, “3614 Jackson Highway,” which is also the address of their recording studio in Muscle Shoals, Alabama!

Muscle shoals swampers

Look, it’s The Swampers!… and Sonny!


Live “Sweet Home Alabama” Performance (1974)

 

More About the Lyrics of Sweet Home Alabama

  • I hope Neil Young will remember, a Southern man don’t need him around, anyhow.” This is in response to Neil Young’s song, “Southern Man,” which bashes the South as being racist. If you listen closely, immediately after this line you can hear Lynyrd Skynyrd producer, Al Kooper, faintly singing the song, “Southern Man.”
  • In Birmingham they love the governor.” When the song was released in 1974, the Governor of Alabama was the infamous, George Wallace, best known for standing in the schoolhouse door to prevent African Americans from entering white schools. (integration) This line is often interpreted as support for the governor, but is immediately followed by the words, boo, boo, boo! and we all did what we could do,” which seems to infer they were among the minority of Alabamans who tried to vote Wallace out of office.
  • The, Now Watergate does not bother me, Does your conscience bother you? lyric seems to mean that the band isn’t judging Northerners on the acts of their president, (Nixon) so they shouldn’t judge Southerners on the actions of their governor (Wallace)  
  • The Montgomery’s got the answer,” lyric at the end of the song also seems to be contradict the idea that the song is racist, as Montgomery, (home of Rosa Parks) is considered to be the birthplace of the Civil Rights movement in America.

Fun fact: Further support of the idea that Lynyrd Skynyrd was not racist and didn’t hate Neil Young is the fact that Lynyrd Skynyrd founder and lead singer, Ronnie Van Zandt wears a Neil Young t-shirt on the cover of the band’s last album, Street Survivors, in 1977.

Sweet Home Alabama: Turn It Up!

Ah hah, so now you understand what, Muscle Shoals has got The Swampers means!

Next time you hear Sweet Home Alabama on the radio, you can impress your friends by explaining the lyrics, and taking credit for Great Teacher, Chairman Meow’s perfect knowledge.

You can also pour out some of your Alabama Slammer for lead singer Ronnie Van Zant, who was tragically killed in a plane crash 40 years ago today along with guitarist Steve Gaines and vocalist Cassie Gaines.

Full Sweet Home Alabama Lyrics

Big wheels keep on turning
Carry me home to see my kin
Singing songs about the Southland
I miss Alabama once again
And I think it’s a sin, yes

Well I heard mister Young sing about her
Well, I heard ole Neil put her down
Well, I hope Neil Young will remember
A Southern man don’t need him around anyhow

Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I’m coming home to you

In Birmingham they love the governor (boo, boo, boo!)
Now we all did what we could do.
Now Watergate does not bother me
Does your conscience bother you?
Tell the truth

Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I’m coming home to you
Here I come Alabama

Now Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers
And they’ve been known to pick a song or two
Lord they get me off so much
They pick me up when I’m feeling blue
Now how about you?

Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I’m coming home to you

Sweet home Alabama
Oh sweet home baby
Where the skies are so blue
And the guv’nor’s true
Sweet Home Alabama
Lordy
Lord, I’m coming home to you
Yea, yea Montgomery’s got the answer

More: *Top 20 sounds recorded in Muscle Shoals – al.com

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crazy toxoplasmosis cat

Toxoplasmosis: How Cat Poop Can Turn You Into a Crazy Cat Lady (or Gentleman)

chairman meowDear Chairman Meow, is “crazy cat lady syndrome” actually real? Please educate me with your vast knowledge. – Jim S. of Winfield, PA

Yes, Jim, it’s a real thing. Allow Chairman Meow to educate you about a tiny parasite, called toxoplasma gondii, that creates crazy cat ladies who hoard many kittehs.

How toxoplasmosis helps cats control humans:

There are many ways that a kitty can take control of humans, turning them into mere servants.

While good old fashioned psychic-kitteh mind control usually is enough to break the will of any human, recently scientists have become wise to one of their sneakier methods; a parasite found in their poop called, Toxoplasma gondii.

What is toxoplasma gondii?

Toxoplasma gondii is a microbe commonly found in cat poop.

How does the toxo get into a cat in the first place, you ask? Toxo is initially found in infected mice, so outdoor or barn cats who catch mice are more prone to contracting it.

Actually, toxo seems to slow mice down, so your cat is more likely to catch an infected mouse than a healthy one.

If ingested by humans, it causes toxoplasmosis; (aka t. gondii, or toxo) a disease that causes flu-like symptoms, especially dangerous to people with weakened immune systems. “Toxo” is the reason pregnant women are told to stay away from litter boxes.

Scientists used to believe that people with strong immune systems quickly fought off toxo, and it just went dormant after being defeated. However, shocking recent evidence from scientists like Jaroslav Flegr suggest otherwise.

Toxoplasma gondii – It’s All In Your Head

It seems that scientists have vastly underestimated this organism, which may be affecting the behavior of millions of humans around the world by literally getting into their heads. In fact, the CDC estimates that some 60 million Americans are carrying the Toxoplasma parasite.

Although few people have symptoms, it’s thought that toxoplasma gondii can affect and control the connections between neurons in our brains, directly impacting our actions and emotions; possibly even turning us into “crazy cat ladies.” (and gentlemen)

crazy cat lady toxo

Crazy Cat Lady Syndrome & Toxoplasmosis

crazy cat lady simpsonsToxo is likely what puts the “crazy” in crazy cat lady, causing OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) depression, cat hoarding, and even an increased rate of suicide.

In male cat owners, toxo infection can affect behavior; encouraging anti-social behavior such as suspicion and withdrawal.

It’s as if toxo wants you to isolate yourself with cats to improve your chances of being eaten by one!

So, why does Toxo want to get in our heads?

The only place that Toxo can sexually reproduce is inside a cat, and it seems to know that. It appears that toxo takes over the brain of it’s host in an attempt to get back into a cat.

toxoplasmosis cat poop
And, it’s not just humans that Toxo controls. Infected rodents become less cautious, more active, and have delayed reaction times; making them easier prey for cats.

Also, these infected rodents are actually attracted to the smell of cat urine, which normally should signal danger.

It’s as if the parasite is leading them into the belly of the cat where it can then reproduce!

This may also be why if you die alone with a house cat, they will only wait a day or two to start eating you; (known as “postmortem predation”) dogs will wait much longer.

Toxoplasmosis & schizophrenia

Toxo also seems to be a trigger for schizophrenia in people who are already genetically susceptible. Recent tests also implied a link between childhood exposure to cats and schizophrenia, and many schizophrenia patients have also tested positive for the presence of Toxoplasma gondii.

In fact, schizophrenia itself didn’t become a commonly diagnosed disease until the late 18th Century; the same time that house cats became popular pets. Coincidence?

Does Chairman Meow Spread Toxoplasma gondii?

Chairman Meow denies intentionally spreading Toxoplasma gondii to soften the brains of humans; turning them into mindless kitty puppets. (Although he does admit to pooping in neighborhood sandboxes, and in an occasional Starbucks.)


More about Toxoplasma gondii

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cat or possum

Chairman Meow Explains Difference Between Cats & Possums

chairman meow facebookDear Chairman Meow, what kind of cat is this!? – Dan, Miami Florida

Thank you for your question, Dan. Apparently there has been some confusion as to what is a kitty, and what is not a kitty. This may be due to recent proliferation of fake news on the inter-webs.

Or, perhaps this “kitty confusion” can be blamed on recent Fox News special entitled, “Possums: Are They Just Liberal Cats?

In any event, please allow Great Teacher Chairman Meow to educate you.

Hmmm… Is this a cat?

First, here is the potential “cat” in question:

cat found flyer possum

First, let us find clues as to if this mysterious creature is truly a cat.

  • If perceived “kitty” haz long, pointed nose, the animal may not be a kitty
  • If the animal was found hanging upside-down from a tree by its tail, it is probably not a kitty

Ah hah, it appears that this animal is NOT a kitty! In which case, Dan, please step back from the non-kitty to avoid potential harm. 

In fact, instead of giving you love and affection, this non-kitty may give you many puncture wounds and rabies

Helpful Diagram of a Standard Cat

Still confused? Here is diagram of what common kitty looks like, that has been approved by Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Truth:

cat mao chinese character

Yes, Mao Means, “Cat!”

Oh how Chairman Meow loves irony!

You have come here seeking knowledge, and Great Teacher Meow has filled your brain with TWO shiny pearls of wisdom:

  1. You can now identify a cat
  2. You have learned that “Mao” means “cat” in Chinese

In any event, Dan, that you for your question for Glorious Leader Chairman Meow. I hope that you have lived through your perilous brush with the non-kitty, and go on to live a long, prosperous life filled with loving-affection from actual kitties.

Chairman Meow haz spoken.

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Felis the Cat: The Glorious KITTY Constellation Lost to History

chairman meow facebook“Dear Chairman Meow, are there any domestic cat constellations in the sky?” – Joanna R., Lansdale, Pa

Excellent question, Joanna, and you are in luck because Chairman Meow has infinite knowledge of all things. Allow Teacher Meow to fumigate his wisdom upon you.

Yes, in fact, there used to be a glorious constellation called, Felis the Cat.

It was named as a tribute to the noble domestic kitty, but later omitted from star atlases by arrogant and elitist astronomers.

Here’s the full history:

Felis the Cat Constellation: Born in 1799

joseph jerome lalande

joseph jerome lalande

In 1799 French Astronomer and cat-lover Joseph Jerome de Lalande suggested adding a constellation that he named Felis the Cat. (NOT “Felix the Cat!”) 

Lalande was quoted as saying, “There were already thirty-three animals in the sky; I added a thirty-fourth, the cat.”

A devoted cat-servant, Lalande added, “I love cats very much. I will have this picture engraved on the star map.”

Felis the Cat was soon broadly recognized, and appeared in the highly-acclaimed Uranographia Sive Astrorum Descriptio star atlas of 1801.

felis cat constellation astronomy

Lalande’s Felis the Cat constellation was recognized for decades afterward, appearing in many notable star atlases of the 19th Century.

felis cat constellation stars felix

The International Astronomical Union (IAU) omits Felis the Cat – WTF?

nicolas camille flammarion

Nicolas Camille Flammarion

In the early 20th Century, French astronomer Nicolas Camille Flammarion, deemed Felis the Cat to be expendable, and so it was omitted from the final list of 88 constellations approved by the IAU in 1922.

Other notable constellations eliminated by the IAU included:

  • Rangifer the Reindeer
  • Bufo the Toad
  • Hippocampus the Sea Horse
  • Limax the Slug
  • Manis the Pangolin

How could history include the illustrious Felis the Cat with this motley crew of rejects!?

To make things worse, the IAU included three domestic dogs in their approved group of constellations, including Canis Major & Canis Minor.

The only silver lining to this astronomical charade was that fellow feline, Leo the lion, did make the final cut.

The Curse of Felis the Cat?

hindenberg disaster

Watch out for that… Oops!

Soon after the arrogant act of omitting Felis from the list of constellations, Nicolas Camille Flammarion would die in 1924.

*Although the official conclusion was that Flammarion died of natural causes, some suspect foul play, as several cat hairs were found next to his body. Chairman Meow, however, denies any involvement

After Felis the Cat was rejected, a number of other terrible things would happen to mankind, including The Great Depression and World War II; all under a night sky devoid of the majestic Felis the Cat.

What a pity. 

Make Felis the Cat great again!

Honorable Leader Chairman Meow promises that when cats rule the world under his brilliant leadership, the constellation of Felis the Cat will once again be a constellation.

In fact, Felis will be the biggest constellation in the sky, and all but 9 stars in the Northern Hemisphere will be part of this new, kitty super-constellation(The remaining 9 or so stars will comprise the constellation of a salmon, which Felis will be eating.)

Here is what the new and improved Felis the Cat constellation will look like:

felis cat constellation new

New and improved Felis the Cat constellation

What’s wrong? Upset because the North Star will merely be one of Felis the Cat’s toenails in Chairman Meow’s new star map?

It’s called “progress,” and you can either get on board, or get out of the way.

Long live the Kitty! 

Chairman Meow haz spoken

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ceiling cat watching you blessed

Who Is Ceiling Cat? A Brief History of the Divine Kitty

“Dear Glorious Leader Chairman Meow: who is Ceiling Cat?” – Timmy, Austin TX

Thank you for your sincere, but slightly naive question, Timmy. Unlike your false digital idol, Siri, Chairman Meow has true knowledge of all things. Now, I will fumigate my wisdom of Ceiling Cat upon you.

Who Is Ceiling Cat?

ceiling cat sistine chapel

Ceiling Cat is a divine kitteh who created the universe and looks down from the heavens upon us all, judging our actions.

Ceiling cat is omnipresent and sees everything, including the sinful things that you do when you are alone on your laptop at night, Timmy.

In Genesis 1:1 of the lolcat bible it is written: “Oh hai. In teh beginning Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.”

Ceiling Cat vs. Basement Cat: An Eternal Struggle

ceiling cat vs basement cat

Ceiling Cat is the force of all that is good in the universe, and the source of all purring. Throughout all of time he must battle Basement Cat, an evil, black, subterranean cat similar to what humans call, “Satan.”

basement cat tshirtNew: Basement Cat T-Shirt

  • Star Wars fans would say the Ceiling Cat is “The Force,” while Basement Cat is “The Dark Side.”
  • C.S. Lewis might consider Ceiling Cat a “wise, furry, feline Jesus figure,” much like his “Aslan” character.

Ceiling Cat: Provides Divine Inspiration & Celestial Surveillance for Chairman Meow

It is said in Sun Tzu’s Art of War that for any dictator to be successful, he must have effective surveillance, preferably from a celestial kitty looking down on the masses from the ceiling. Such is the essential role of Ceiling Cat in the Glorious Kitty Revolution. Ceiling Cat sees everything, even your thoughts.

“If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.” – George Orwell

ceiling cat vs basement cat

Lolcat with Basement Cat

Ceiling Cat T-Shirts for Capitalist Pigs

Although Capitalism is inherently self-destructive, Chairman Meow believes that we must all make money in order to provide a proper home for our kittehs. How else could we enjoy a warm bed, catnip, and delicious fishy treats?

For this reason, Chairman Meow has commissioned his Minister of Propaganda to create t-shirts to honor Ceiling Cat, so that Capitalist Pigs may attain them and find happiness in acquiring material possessions.

ceiling cat t-shirt

*Like a furry, 4-legged Robin Hood, Chairman Meow provides coupons for greedy corporations like Vistaprint (get coupons) so that their profits may be diminished, and redistributed to the kitteh-owning masses.

Ceiling Cat believe

So, Timmy, I hope you has learned many important things about Ceiling Cat today. Hopefully now you will live a more meaningful life supporting the Kitteh Revolution, and stop masturbating.

Chairman Meow has spoken.

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nfl gronkowski kitty

16 Great Cat Name Ideas Inspired by NFL Players

Dear Chairman Meow, What should I name our new kitty? – Robert G, Boston, Ma
chairman meow
Ah, yes, Robert. (Can I call you, “Bob?” It is such a noble name)

Anyway, Bob, you’ve brought home a furry bundle of joy to rule your home, but what do you name your new militant little friend?

Like NFL players, cats are agile, dynamic, and independent. They can also be unpredictable, mischievous, and capable of bold action; therefore, they deserve a bold name.

Here are some suggestions for cat names from current NFL team rosters:

The best potential cat names in the NFL

maurkice pouncey cat name

There are many great names in the NFL that are worthy of giving to a cat, here a the favorites of Chairman Meow:

  • nf cat name frostee ruckerMaurkice Pouncey – C, Pittsburgh Steelers
    Chairman Meow believes this is the best cat name in the NFL. Enough said.
  • Frostee Rucker – DT, Arizona Cardinals
    Perfect for a white cat, or one with with a white face.
  • Captain Munnerlyn – KR, Minnesota Vikings
    A name that shows authority. Great for a born feline leader.
  • Bacarri Rambo, SS, Buffalo Bills
    Strong name for a cat skilled in survival, hunting, and guerrilla warfare.
  • Zoltan Mesko – P, Cincinatti Bengals
    If you lived through the 1980’s, you may remember Zoltan from the movie Big? Since cats appreciate irony, perhaps this would be good name for a very small kitty?
  • Richie Incognito, C, Dolphins
    Perfect name for black cat, or cat that enjoys hiding or sneaking around a lot.

More current NFL player / cat name ideas

  • Atari Bigby – DB, Seahawks
  • Beanie Wells – RB, Arizona Cardinals
  • Barkevious Mingo(once again; ironic) OLB, Cleveland Browns
  • Cadillac Williams – RB, Free Agent
  • Ziggy Hood – DT, Steelers
  • Nico Johnson – LB, Buffalo Bills

Of course, these are just current NFL names approved by Great Leader Chairman Meow. There are some great historical NFL names as well, such as Jumbo Elliot, Dexter Manley, Bronko Nagurski, and Deacon Jones.

Plus, every year the NFL welcomes talented young players with great cat-name potential, so don’t insult the dynamic kitty with a boring, common name like, “Bella, Max, or Kitty.” 

Chairman Meow haz spoken.

Please share!

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the isolator invention

“The Isolator” – A Really Dumb Invention By Hugo Gernsback

chairman meow“Dear Chairman Meow: I have a great idea for an invention. What should I do?” – Kenny D, Moorestown, NJ

Well, Kenny, don’t do anything just yet. You see, many people have “inspired” ideas and dreams, but some of them are just stupid, and better off kept to yourself.

Take for example, Hugo Gernsback and his foolish invention, “The Isolator” helmet.

“The Isolator” Invention By Hugo Gernsback

Working from home has a lot of challenges. The phone rings, the kids barge into your office… What’s a self-employed person to do?

Well, apparently Hugo Gernsback had the same issue in 1925, and instead of complaining about it, he went out and (sort of) changed the world by inventing something really dumb: The Isolator helmet.

the isolator anti distraction helmet

science invention magazine

science magazine

Hugo himself was not just a crazy guy off the streets; he was actually editor of Science & Invention Magazine, which I assume was a legitimate publication. (hey, it has the word, “science” in it!) He also is considered by many to be one of “The Fathers of Science Fiction.”

OK, maybe it didn’t gain the popularity that Scotch Tape did (invented the same year) but I bet it helped at least a few people concentrate out there.

I’m thinking maybe this invention could help fix the ADHD epidemic in this… look, a butterfly! Sorry, I got distracted, let me put my helmet back on:

the isolator distraction helmet

Anyway, let’s just hope that helmet material isn’t asbestos, and that no smart-aleck kids out there got the idea to switch Mr. Gernsbeck’s oxygen tank with helium. (or nitrous?) 

Well, in conclusion, Hugo never succeeded with his invention, or even copyrighted the name “The Isolator.” (which I imagine is now being tarnished by a “sexual well-being” gadget of the same name sold at Walgreens?)

Chairman Meow Says: In conclusion, let Hugo’s failure be a lesson to us all: “we all have dreams, but some people’s dreams are stupid.”


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